Saturday, November 8, 2008

Checking in....

Hey - I know it's been ages since I've posted! Time is really going by pretty fast and I wanted to at least check in and say that everything is going ok! (knock on wood) I plan to keep up with posting here on a more regular basis and will have a birth story up soon. I am also severly behind in reading other blogs, and will try and catch up this weekend.

Just a little update on what'e been going on - We are very fortunate to have what I believe is a very well-tempered baby. I know it's only been two weeks, and after the second week, I've heard/read that babies can become a lot fussier. I've already seen this happen - for example, yesterday she was awake almost all day and would start to fuss unless someone was holding her. But, holding her would calm her immediately, which I know doesn't always happen, so I certainly can't complain! Last night was a bit of a different story... she was changed and fed and wouldn't stop crying for over an hour, even while being held. I know an hour/1.5 hours is pretty much nothing - I'm well aware that babies will often cry for many hours, and nothing you do will console them. Once she gets to sleep, she only wakes one time in the night for feeding! So if I feed her at midnight (some times she has slept a bit before that) I wind up feeding her around 3:30am, then again around 6:30am. She then usually sleeps for a while after the 6:30am feeding. She does eat more frequently during the day, but with this current nighttime feeding schedule, I am actually getting some sleep!

Now that I have written the above, I know I am setting myself up for her being super fussy and up all night! ;-)

Speaking of feeding....TMI alert - this paragraph is about breastfeeding! I've been able to breastfeed ok, though I must say, so far, I'm not a huge fan of it. People always talk about it being a 'bonding' experience, but I feel like I am bonding more when I am just holding her. However, that being said, I am in no way considering NOT breastfeeding! It's extremely beneficial to breastfeed (I know not everyone is able to nurse for various reasons - I'm not saying that it's wrong to not breastfeed!) so if I am able to do it, I certainly will! To be completely honest, my complaints are all petty and selfish. When my milk first came in, I was in quite a bit of discomfort (pain!) And my chest is now a full size (maybe two) bigger, and still sort of sore. This wouldn't be so bad if the 'girls' hadn't become so much bigger during pregnancy - now with the additional size, I'm actually uncomfortable, and look like someone who just went nuts with breast implants. They love to leak too (at least I'm producing enough milk...) Right now I spend a lot of my day feeding or leaking - I hope the 'girls' get the memo soon that they don't need to produce quite so much milk!. Ce.cilia has been very good though - she will take a bottle (yes, I'm also pumping) and then will go right back to regular nursing without a problem (knock on wood again!) Now if it just didn't feel like someone is chomping on me when she first latches on - ow! She had a weight check earlier this week and was back up above her birth weight, after losing about 5 ounces (which is normal).

I'm pretty surprised at our little one's mobility. She lifts her head, rolls on her side and I swear she can crawl across my chest. Some times when I am holding on me with her on her tummy, she starts pushing herself across me! I know, I know, I am sure all of this is totally normal, and I just have the 'I'm a new parent and MY kid is just so awesome!' syndrome.

I am actually still working a bit - not at my regular job - I don't plan on returing to working outside of the home until some time in 2009 - but at my small home business, and this time of year it starts to get busier. This is making things a little more hectic, and so when I do have time to get on the computer, it's usually to do work, thus the lack of posting/reading recently.

And lastly - to the anonymous commenter (people who have negative comments just never have the guts to leave a name, do they?) regarding the post titled 'My Daughter'.... yes, I realize it should have said 'OUR Daughter'.... however, I was posting in a hurry AT THE HOSPITAL. Most people (unless they just want to find something to pick apart) would realize that I wasn't somehow leaving DH out of things, or acting like OUR beautiful newborn baby was somehow more mine than his. Would you now like to tell me how selfish I am for not being in love with the breastfeeding process?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Quick Update

Just a quick update, while I work on the whole birth story thing...We have people over watching the Eag.les game!

  1. Ceci.lia weighed 6lbs, 7oz at birth and is 19 inches long.
  2. Her apgar score was 9 and 9!
  3. I can’t believe how much I want to hold her.
  4. I was given pitocin to start labor, and was able to go without an epidural until they broke my water – after that, the pain was just too much! Labor lasted about 11 hours, but unbelievably, I only pushed for 20 min.
  5. I’m feeling fine, just rather sore – I tore inside and have some stiches. Thank goodness she was tiny!
  6. DH is being fantastic and extremely helpful.
  7. I know my poor daughter is going to hear people sing that Simon and Garfunk.el song every time she tells people her name :)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

My Daughter

Cec.ilia Gr.ace arrived on October 23, 2008, 11:22pm!

Still in hospital - am being discharged later today and will post more updates!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

40w5d - off to hospital

Don't have much time - went to Dr., was dilated 3cm, (!), nonstress test was fine but they checked the amniotic fluid, it was low so they want me to go to hospital immediately! They wanted me to go stright from the Dr. office but I convinced them to let me stop home first because I live close by. Will update again as soon as possible!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Yep. Still here. Still feel nothing indicating that Butters has any intention of leaving, other than some lower abdominal pressure here and there. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow morning to see what, if anything, is going on.

I know, I know. First babies are often late. It’s normal to deliver two weeks before or after your due date. And yes, no one has to tell me that the baby will arrive “when he/she is ready.” I know all this – but I’m still getting impatient. I was extremely productive yesterday, but not so much today, so I’m a bit annoyed with myself, because I feel like I should be taking every spare moment now to do things since there will indeed be a baby here very soon. But I can’t help it – I’m being immature and irritable today and have to force myself to get anything done. I know I’ll be kicking myself later, wishing I had done more, if I don’t get my arse moving now.

On the toe front – I actually think it may be broken. It was getting better, and the bruising is going away, but it’s been a week now and it’s still swollen and does still hurt, especially if I wear anything besides flip flops (and it’s too chilly now to wear those) or sneakers. I wore ‘regular’ shoes for a short time yesterday when we went out to dinner and my toe was killing me afterwards. So I’m still walking a little funny, and feeling oh-so intelligent for managing to (possibly) break a toe walking in my house. Go me!

I’m planning on going to the gym later this afternoon with DH, though I don’t have any grand hopes of a workout getting anything moving. I haven’t even felt a contraction of any kind – isn’t that odd? It just seems weird, going on 5 days past my due date with no signs of anything.

Boy I’m being a whiner today, aren’t I?

Monday, October 20, 2008


Oops - I didn't post anything yesterday. As the title of this post indicates, I'm still pregnant. Here are a few things that obviously don't induce labor... at least not with me:

  1. Lifting weights (carefully!)
  2. Cardio and/or walking
  3. Going up and down the stairs a million times
  4. Acupuncture
  5. Listening to loud band music
  6. Washing floors on hands and knees
  7. Poking my belly
  8. Asking my child nicely to please, come on out
  9. Not having my hospital bag totally ready

I realize I'm not that late, and as my little ticker on the right indicates, "On average, first babies arrive 8 days after their due date." Ok, but I'm still getting ancy over here, mostly because I don't want to wind up having to be induced. I know that's still a little ways away (induction), but I was hoping to not have to go that route. Luckily I'm not very uncomfortable - if I was uncomfortable and late, I'd be one super hormonal bee-atch.

I did wake up at 5:30am with some slight back pain. Since I haven't felt anything that might indicate that Butters feels like exiting, and I haven't had any back pain whatsoever, I thought "Oohh...maybe this is something!" Of course, it went away and I haven't felt anything back-wise the rest of the day. Grrr. Right now I feel some lower abdominal pressure, but I know that doesn't really mean anything either.

I know there are other things I can try - nipple stimulation, castor oil (which I will not be trying), more walking... though walking for a long time isn't that comfortable because my toe still does hurt. I have a funny feeling that it doesn't really matter what I do... Butters has his/her own little timetable.

I just really don't want to be induced, and the my main reason is a bit silly.... I want to do something regarding pregnancy without medical intervention. I needed IVF to start this pregnancy... I would like my body to cooperate and finish without induction. I know that's silly, and as long as I have a healthy baby, who cares how he/she gets here? Besides, going to the hospital to have a baby isn't exactly giving birth without medical intervention (has anyone seen the ads for the new series that starts on the Discovery Health channel tomorrow called 'Free Birthing'?!? Ack!) But still....

I know, I'm impatient.

How about those Phillies?! :)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

40 Weeks!

Just a quick post - today is my due date! However, I highly doubt anything will happen today... I don't feel any different. I even went to the gym and have been on my feet all day, working in our basement with DH. The only thing that has happnened is that my brusied toe/foot hurts more. Tonight we're going out to see a local band - they are playing at a large bar/restaurant that is essentially right across the street. Perhaps the music will stir things up ;)

I need to go back to cleaning and putting things away in the basement before I start getting ready to go out. I do have a major 'nesting' urge but I've had that for a while, and now I keep thinking that if Butters isn't showing up yet, I should really make use of the time! We've gotten a TON of stuff done in the house the past in the past few months - I should list everything at some point.

Anyway, I realize that it's totally normal to be late - I didn't expect to magically go into labor at midnight on October 18.... but I think it's weird that I haven't felt anything? I really hope they don't wind up having to induce me... but I'm getting ahead of myself...

Butters, we'd like to meet you! Come on out now!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Good News

No news on this end, but Susan gave birth to a beautiful baby boy!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

All Quiet on the Belly Front (39w5d)

Well, it looks like I won’t be going into labor today, October 16. Whew! I was really worried that DH would have to miss his reunion get-together tonight because I’d be in the hospital or something. Thankfully, Butters decided to stay put, and now I'm much more relaxed!

I had a Dr. appointment today, which went fine. Still measuring fine, heart rate is fine, and his/her head is still down low. My weight had been holding steady at around 158-159 for the past 6 weeks or so, but today I was 161, which was fine – still a total weight gain of under 30 pounds (or 33 pounds, if I go by by pre-fertility drug weight in May 2007). I have another appointment scheduled for next Thursday, which hopefully I will have to cancel because Butters will already be here. If I do make it to that appointment, they’ll check my cervix and do a non-stress-test to make sure everything is ok. I still don’t feel any different, but the Dr. said that was totally normal, and my water could just break/contractions could start at any time without any warning. I have been continuing healthy-pregnancy acupuncture sessions, and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. My acupuncturist said he’d start incorporating points that can help start labor.

My toe seems to be healing nicely. :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Remembrance Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is to promote Support, Education and Awareness for grieving parents. Please visit the offical web site.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

39w3d and my toe

So, since I am not physically uncomfortable from pregnancy, I decided, hey, why not do something to make myself smash my toe! I really hope my son/daughter does not inherit my 'no coordination' gene. I tend to be clumsy and bang into things easily, and pregnancy certainly hasn't exactly helped this trait. So anyway, I was walking out of the bathroom today - a simple task...I mean, walking through a doorway, right? No problem? Ha - not for me! I somehow jammed my second to last toe on the baseboard while exiting, and I mean jammed. I heard a !crack! and screamed all sorts of colorful words. I don't think it's broken because I can (ow) move it. It's turning purple now and hurts, but I can walk, as long as I kind of walk on the inside of that foot. I tried putting a sneaker on and can't because it hurt too much. I've been taking breaks and sitting down with ice on it from time to time.

So now I'm moving a lot more slowly, which is irritating the hell out of me. On the bright side, I figure that maybe this was a sign...that if I hadn't smashed my toe I would be doing too much and would wind up going into labor on the 16th, and now I because I won't be walking nearly as much, I won't. Maybe? Or maybe I'm just a klutz who can't walk through a bathroom doorway.

On another note, I think yesterday must have been 'bring your baby or pregnant self to Ta.rget' day. I was in Ta.rget, and I swear, I have never seen so many babies and pregnant women at a Ta.rget in my life. Now granted, it was the middle of the day, and the Ta.rget is in the same shopping center as a Bab.ies 'r' Us... but I have been in that same store and the same time of day before and have never seen anything like what I witnessed yesterday. Was this just a local phenomenon or did I miss some national 'bring out your baby' day yesterday? ;)

Time to ice my toe.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Nothing much to report. Still feeling ok, don't have any signs of anything happening yet. The only thing I have noticed is an increase in (sorry for the TMI) cervical mucus, but nothing resembling a mucus plug. Still heading to the bathroom 2-3 times a night, and by the time I wake up it's difficult to move because of the pressure, but then I'm fine. As far as pregnancies go, I know I've been extremely lucky - I've had very little discomfort, and I know by 39 weeks, many women are in agony. Now as long as I don't go into labor on October 16th....

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Guess what? I updated the belly shots page. I know - how exciting!

What else is exciting? Politics? Oh no, I'm not going there in this blog. I have other outlets online to get into all that 'fun' stuff! Hmm...well, the Eagles won tonight, though I'm not too happy with how they've been playing... they almost blew a game they should have won! DH and I went to our usual hangout to watch the game - it may be the last time we'll go there to watch a game for a while. (is it wrong to bring a newborn to a bar? Kidding.... kidding!) I joked with everyone about how I planned it so my due date would be on the Eagles Bye-week. (as if infertile me could actually plan such things!) Of course everyone we hang out with there made us promise to stop by with the baby - one couple said they would pay for a babysitter one Sunday so we could come watch a game - he insisted that he was very serious, and to please take him up on his offer! Both sets of grandparents live less than 10 minutes away so we probably won't need babysitters (and I wouldn't leave a newborn with one anyway) but we thought that was a very nice gesture. Anyway, it still seems unreal....that I'll be sitting here with a baby probably within the next week.... or less???

I still have a difficult time grasping this concept....a real, live baby. Here. With me. It almost doesn't seem real, even though I am sitting right here in the nursery as I type!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

39 Weeks

I really am trying to post every day now, even if it's very brief. One week to go....

I walked (waddled) a 5K today - there was no way I was running it! (This 7th annual run/walk was a benefit in honor of three firemen who lost their lives in the line of duty on July 4, 2002) It was a lot of fun because everyone I was with walked it too - DH, my SIL, BIL, 3-month old niece (in stroller) - they even brought their dog! I felt ok - 5k isn't a very far walk, though I haven't been doing nearly as much walking recently. Afterwards, I was rather uncomfortable because of some lower pelvic pressure, which has happened before after I have been exercising.. I then went home and passed for a few hours. I can't believe how tired I was.

Still hoping I hold out until my due date, so I can finish up some last minute things here. However, I really hope I don't go into labor on October 16 - DH has an event to go to where he'll being seeing some close friends that he hasn't seen in years, and I would really hate for him to miss that.

That's it for now...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Party in My Belly

Ooops - I did it again - the 'no blogging' phase! So I decide that n0w, after over a month, while I'm sitting here in a towel, with wet hair, that it's essential that I at least post something! My due date is just 8 days away, and I actually hope I don't deliver early because there's still a list of 'to-dos' that I want to do, even though I am dying to meet Butters. Is that weird?

Here's the super brief update!

  1. I am still 'p'! Had my most recent Dr. appointment yesterday. Butters is head down and super low, just as she/he has been since week 20. It feels like everything is in my upper belly though, so I gather I am feeling a lot of butt and legs.
  2. I have not had any contractions or feelings like the baby has 'dropped'
  3. I stopped working at my full-time job over a week ago. You would think that would mean I would be online more, but I am actually online less. I do what I need to do for my home business and then go back to doing other stuff in the house.
  4. I've been frantically getting other things ready at home (see above item about not being online a lot) - things that I am afraid will never get done if I don't do them before Butters arrives!
  5. We do have the nursery set up... and this is where I am currently writing from. The main cable connection is in this room and there really isn't any other place to set up my computer at the present time, so there is a small computer area in one corner of the nursery.
  6. I have more belly pics.
  7. I feel fine, other than sharp nerve pains in my legs from time to time, which are actually pretty painful, but don't last long. All the congestion I had throughout most of the pregnancy is finally gone, and I have thus far escaped any massive water rentention/swelling. (knock on wood!)
  8. I am walking a 5k tomorrow!
  9. I need to check in on everyone else!

So there ya go. Perhaps if I vow to write every day until I go into labor, I actually will because I'll feel like even more of a moron if I post my vow here and then don't follow through.

I must go dry my hair now.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Happy Birthday To My Blog

My blog is one year old today. In honor of my blog's birthday, I present you with this link:

Cake Wrecks

Be careful the next time you order a birthday cake, or any type of cake for that matter! I almost wet myself (not that unusual these days) while reading this site. Be sure to check out the creepy baby shower cakes too. (I hope no one reading this actually had one of those cakes at their baby shower - ooops...)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Ultrasound and ‘P’ updates.

Just a note: This post is all ‘p’ stuff.

I had my 32 week Dr. appointment and ultrasound last week – I was 31w5d. Butters is facing head down, rear-end up (and will hopefully stay that way!), and everything checked out fine except for one very minor thing – while Butters is still within the normal growth range, he/she (nope, we aren’t finding out!) is in the 20th percentile. At my 20 week ultrasound, Butters was in the 75th percentile. The Dr. wanted me back in three weeks for another ultrasound, just to make sure the growth didn’t drop further. I’m not too worried, (ok, maybe just a teeny bit, but I’ll be worried until I’m actually holding a baby…) and assume that Butters just had an early growth spurt. Many people don’t even get ultrasound after 20 weeks, so I’m glad I get to have another peek in just a few weeks.

As far as pictures go – we must have the worst ultrasound pictures ever! Even the ones at 20 weeks weren’t too good because someone refused to get in a decent position and insisted on blocking his/her face with an arm! This time, Butters was facing forward but the head was far down and once again, arms were in the way. We do have a couple of pictures but they aren’t very clear. The tech also tried to get a 3D picture but, because of the position, the picture just looked like a mass of blobs. Stubborn little baby. ;-)

‘P’ Stuff
I’m enjoying feeling more movement, and am still thoroughly fascinated when I see lumps move across my stomach! I still wake up every night to go to the bathroom, usually with an accompanying leg cramp. However, I have been extremely lucky so far and have not experienced any swelling… and yes, I chalk this up to just pure luck. While I am still exercising and not going too nuts with food, (well, maybe just a little…) I know you can eat right and exercise and still have a terrible time with water retention – my SIL is a perfect example. She has a very healthy diet, didn’t gain too much weight and was always at the gym – the girl was doing an hour-long step aerobics class at 39 weeks! Yet she still swelled up – especially her poor feet and legs. Of course, now that I’ve said this, I’ll probably start swelling tomorrow!

I joke with DH and say that all the swelling must gone to my chest – the ‘girls’ are bigger than ever (32.E, anyone?) but seemed to have taken a break from growing at the moment, thank goodness. My porn-star chest doesn’t bother me as much now because it’s less noticeable with my bigger belly, though I can’t imagine what will happen when they start filling with milk. Eeeegads.

I’ve been working extra hours this past month, and it’s beginning to wear on me a bit, but not terribly. However, I decided cut back my hours for the month of September, and will be working only three days a week, mainly because I want to get everything done that needs to be done (still working on the house – that’s a whole post in itself) and have a little time to relax. Since I work as a sub-contractor, my hours are rather flexible, and I did tell my employer a few months ago that I would probably reduce my hours in September, and they were totally fine with the idea. I don’t have maternity leave, but I do qualify for temporary disability, and I plan to stop working at the end of September. My contractor status also makes it very easy for me to come back to work without having to provide an exact date right now, though I did tell them that they won’t be seeing me again until sometime in 2009…. maybe. I actually don’t have concrete work plans at the moment… I’m thinking of working part-time… but there is a small chance I may not. Of course, ‘not working’ means not working outside of the home – I’ll still keep the small home business thing in either case. We'll see.

And speaking of work… perhaps I should go do some now…..

Picture Time

Well, I finally got off my rear and put up a belly picture page. This way, people can see the 'belly progession' if they choose, and can easily skip the pictures if it isn't something they want to see.

Belly Shots Page

While I'm posting pictures, I may as well show off our furbabies. :-)

I had my 32 week ultrasound last week (everything is pretty much ok) and will post about that next.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Please Stop By

Please stop by Egged Out's blog and offer support - her DE cycle was a BFN. :-(

Friday, August 1, 2008

On A Happier Note...

5 years ago today, my friend/co-worker walked into our office, looked at me and announced, "You're a mommy!" Yes, 5 years ago, our little furbabies were born! My friend's cat got outside one day for just a short time and managed to get her herself knocked up, and I agreed to take one of the kittens. I was dating DH at the time and he wanted a cat too, so he took another one of the kittens. DH and I did not live together at the time, but would always take our cats to each other's places, so they pretty much grew up together. Happy birthday, girls! [I really should include a picture of them here, shouldn't I?]

And.....I just heard back from the lab and I passed the lovely 3-hour glucose test - no GD! Now I can eat ice cream this evening (in honor of our kitties' birthday, of course!) guilt-free.

As of tomorrow, only 11 weeks until my due date. I almost can't believe it.

A Case for Sterilization

Some people should be sterilized. You think I'm kidding? Andrea Kelly, mother of TEN- yes TEN - children, let her daughter essentially rot and starve to death. There is no doubt in my mind that she wanted her daughter to die, since she tooks steps to prevent others from helping her daughter. Look at this report - and I dare you to read the very disturbing indictment. It's long, but even if you just read the beginning, you'll get a very clear and awful picture of the situation. WHY are people like this are so fertile, yet so many of those who would take excellent care of their children, have fertility problems!?! And yes, I'm beyond pissed that DHS and many other organizations, as well as her own father, did nothing to stop this situation. The DHS in Philly is well-funded and the employees are not overworked - there is no excuse!

Andrea Kelly - you're a disgusting bitch (to put things politely) who doesn't deserve children. I wish someone could have sterilized you long ago, and I hope the rest of your life is a living hell. May you be left without food or water to rot away and die.

Sorry - just had to get that off my chest.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Must Read! (and a few updates)

Hey - thanks again everyone for the comments. It's nice to know that people are still reading when I have been so neglectful about posting as well as commenting on other blogs. Today I shall read and comment! I actually have been keeping up with reading a lot of blogs but have been terrible about commenting. Sorry (again?!)

Kicking. ('P' Stuff)
Butters didn't kick a whole lot yesterday - was having trouble getting my 10 kicks in three hours. I felt much better after using my little doppler to verify a steady heartbeat. I did wake up around 2:30am this morning, as usual, to go to the bathroom, and was able to feel about 10 kicks within a half an hour, but he/she sure has been a lot quieter in the past 24 hours. Now that I've said that, hopefully I'll get pummeled all day. I actually like feeling the kicks, and sometimes I now get a feeling like... how do I describe it... like a rolling feeling inside. It feels pretty funky and the first time it happened it freaked me out - but in a cool way.

Tonight someone is coming over to fix a couple of things on my computers that I couldn't quite resolve myself in my 'computer nesting' frenzy (I have 3 desktop PCs and a laptop... why? not enough of a geek to get everything fixed myself.) I just know I won't have time to address anything like that come the fall. I have been getting other things done too - you know, things that might actually benefit a real live baby! Cleaning, moving things, throwing things out like crazy, getting the room ready to paint.... um.... but...I still need to get nursery furniture!!! I do have bedding, blankets, rattles, lamps and some other things, but none of the important stuff!

Will I be able to do this?!
As I mentioned briefly in an earlier post, I recently became an aunt - my SIL had her baby. She and the baby are doing just fine, (the baby is just so cute!!) but I am seeing first hand how you really just don't get any sleep once the baby arrives - and my SIL is used to a stressful schedule and a lack of sleep - she worked as a trauma nurse for 10 years! I always knew that newborn babies were hard work, I didn't know breastfeeding could be so difficult?! I did read (thank goodness) Nancy's 'What I wish I knew' document (which I can't find the link for now) about being a new mom, and my SIL is going through many of the exact same things, so I e-mailed her the document. Now I sit here and think 'Holy sh*t ... and here I thought I understood how hard it was to care for a newborn - I had no idea! Ack!!'

28w3d. Think anyone at work would notice if I slipped out and went baby furniture shopping?!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Failed With Flying Colors.

Pour some sugar on me, baby! I guess if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it full-force. I didn’t fail my glucose screening by just a point or two – I failed it by a full 32 points. Go me!! My Dr.’s cutoff is 129 – I checked in at 161. I know some doctors have a 139 cutoff, but I still would have failed miserably. Lovely – I may as well have eaten a nice big breakfast (or a candy bar?!) before the test instead of being hungry on Thursday. Now I get to go next week for the wonderful 3-hour test. Blah.

The test was your standard glucose screening test. I went in and drank some very sweet liquid that tasted like flat Sprite with four times the sugar, then I waited an hour and had my blood drawn. The time went by quickly since I had my regular appointment scheduled for the same day, so part of the hour was taken up by that. The appointment itself was brief and uneventful. I am now supposed to start counting and recording how many kicks I get in a 3 hour period each day - I am supposed to count at least 10. I think I counted 10 just waiting to have my blood drawn, probably because Butters was hungry, then got nothing but a rush of sugar and was like "What the hell mom!? What are you doing to me in here?!" Well, get ready Butters... it's going to happen all over again next week! My next OB appointment is on August 21, and I get another ultrasound! Yay!

Back to complaining.....I know, I know…. the screening often yields false positives, but to have a reading of 161 after not eating all day? I did eat normally up through the night before the test, since I did read that limiting carbs in the days before the screening can actually cause your blood sugar to go up. With a number that high, I am concerned that I do indeed have gestational diabetes (GD).

Of course now I’m going to start bitching, even though I really shouldn't complain - after all, I am actually 'p'. So far, I haven't had (knock on wood) any problems.... and again, the fact that I am actually 'p' makes me feel like I shouldn't complain about anything. I know how many people would do anything to be in my position right now. So while I am still going to complain.... I never forget how lucky I am.

Stop reading now if you don’t want to hear my hormonal griping! I am a very healthy eater, if I do say so myself. I eat a lot of fresh salads, grilled chicken and fish and fruit, and I rarely eat anything fried. I still exercise regularly, and there is no family history of diabetes, gestational or otherwise. From what I have been reading, the treatment for GD is to cut out sweets and to exercise. I don't know what other exercise they would have me do, since I still lift weights (have modified my routine of course) and do cardio. I guess then even the treats I've been allowing myself will now be out of the question if I fail the 'big' test. I will admit that my eating habits are not quite as good as they were before I was pregnant… I do allow myself to eat more sweet stuff than I normally would, (ice cream! Yum!) and I do have a weakness for bagels. However, I know I am not ‘eating for two’ and I am still careful, since gaining too much is bad for the baby, and I know how easily I gain weight. DH thinks I am too worried and says I am actually more careful about what I eat than most pregnant women.

(Long "weight rant" removed here)

So of course, I’m not happy about the possibility of having GD, (Butters, I hope I'm not inadvertently pumping too much sugar into you!) and now I wonder if maybe I really not eating right, or am gaining too much weight…. though I just can’t really believe that I have gained too much. (11 pounds since my checkup at 9 weeks) Yes, I know you can be a healthy eater and still get GD, but it still pisses me off, and I feel like going and eating a nice big bowl of ice cream right now...wait, if I'm not processing sugar right, that would be a bad idea. Can't have a beer (well, duh!) so I think I'll go guzzle an O'douls. Hopefully this was just a false positive and my biggest gripe at the end of the day will be that I had to do the 3-hour test for nothing. My test is scheduled for July 31 at 8am, and should be a breeze, since I went until 3pm without food for the first test. I just know I'll get ancy, sitting around for 3 hours, plus that’s just time I have to make up at work.

I know my hormones must be a little wacky, (thus all the above whining) because things that normally would not have brought me to tears have done so in the past few days. I was tearing up after getting the "You failed your sugar test!” call. I mean, come on... tears? Even though I knew it was irrational, I still then called my mom and cried about it, then I called DH and cried! Then of course I wrote this big, whiny post! This past weekend, I was having crying fits over computers I was trying to fix (part of my nesting has included fixing/updating some of my multiple computers, because we all know you can’t bring a newborn into a house without a perfect, multi-computer network set up!) Tears over computers? This better be a hormone thing because these are certainly not things to weep over. I think I'll have to play the 'p' card on this one - it's the hormones!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I Will Update!

The Bad Blogger has returned! No posting, barely reading any blogs - I go in cycles don't I? In case anyone still stops by here (I probably wouldn't, the way I've been posting) - everything is fine, I have my glucose screening at 2pm. They said I didn't have to fast but I am trying to anyway - I really don't want to fail and have to take the 3 hour test. So I'm sitting at work, hungry. Blah.

I do have lots to post about - the belly shots (didn't forget, though they are a few weeks old now. Must get a current one - I'm huge now, 27w5d!), I became an aunt last week, and other general stuff.

I also must catch up with everyone. I'm sure I've missed quite a bit.

Now the big question is - will I come back and actually write a real post today or tomorrow?!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Belly and Boobs

FYI: This post is all 'p' updates.

I rented a doppler, which arrived on Thursday. I was originally going to order one back around week 12, then decided not to, for fear that I would drive myself nuts. Last week I decided to go ahead and get one - I still have little fears of something going wrong in the back of my mind, and they sort of resurfaced last Friday, so after reading Nancy's post about her doppler, I impulsively went ahead and rented the same one. I think I'll enjoy checking in on Butters, especially if I wind up feeling kicks and then don't for a while... I can always reassure myself with the doppler. Silly perhaps, (the infertile never truly relax) but worth it for 85 cents a day. We were able to find the HB (about 133bpm) with no problem. So far I always find it to the right of my soon-to-be-protruding belly button.

Symptoms: Leg cramps! I often wake up in the night with a leg cramp, which can usually be alleviated by just stretching out my calf and foot. One time I did actually have to get up and walk around to get rid of it, and just last evening, I woke up and the cramp was in my shin! Never had a muscle cramp in my shin before... it was actually more painful than a regular calf/foot cramp, but it didn't last long. I didn't realize that this was a common occurence until I looked up 'leg cramps' and 'pregnancy.'

I have also been congested for many weeks now, and have just gotten used to the constant stuffy nose. My SIL said she had the same thing happen and it eventually started to ease up, so we'll see. I also have a slight ringing in my left ear which comes and goes... I wonder if it's related to the congestion?

Movement: I still feel little belly 'pulses', but they're still pretty random, and have increased in intensity just a bit, even though I think my belly grew more in the past week than ever before! My MIL stopped by this past weekend, and said "Wow!! You've really grown in the last week!" The funny thing is, when I was out on Saturday, my friend mentioned that I really didn't have a belly yet. It must have just been the shirt I was wearing because I absolutely have a beach ball in my middle now. :-)

Warning! If you don't want to hear about my boobs, stop reading now! I like my expanding belly - the boobs are another story. They have started to expand again too (no no no! stop!!!) Prior to fertility treatments, I was a 32.D.... and was a VERY full 34.D (meaning that many 34.Ds were still too small ... actually, more like a 32.DD, but try and find that size easily) by the middle of the first trimester. Anyway, I was sitting at work yesterday, literally jammed into a 34.D minimizer, with stuff peeking out the bottom and sides - you couldn't tell in my clothes, but it was pretty ridiculous... so at lunch I went to the Kh.ols and bought two 34.DD (arrrghhh) bras. Luckily, Kh.ols carries one of my favorite types - Minimizers - on sale too!

Belly shots: Ok, I'm a big fat liar - no pictures are included with this post, as I had promised. I have them but, I decided to create a page where I will update with all of the various pictures, and link to that. I just haven't finished doing that yet. I'm including a 'before fertility treatments' picture too.

Today I'm 23w6d... I'll just say 24 weeks. 24 weeks is another one of my little milestones, since that's when the baby is considered viable... not that I am expecting to go into labor anytime soon (not for another 14-16 weeks please!) but it's just another one of those little things I've been thinking about.

Monday, June 23, 2008

This time last year....

It's strange what little things will remind you of infertility. A few minor things - like a t-shirt - from the past few days really reminded me of this time last year, when I first started seeing my RE. Last July, DH and I went to see a one of his favorite singer songwriters perform, and one of his songs contains the line, "My drinking days are over... but I'm still trouble bound." I purchased a t-shirt at the show that has the words "My drinking days are over.." on the front with a picture of a beer mug and on the back, the words "but I'm still trouble bound" with a tipped over beer mug. I joked to DH that this shirt would be funny to wear when I was pregnant later that summer. (hahahahaha! I was still so naive!) I didn't buy it specifically to wear when pregnant, but it was in the back of my mind, so I never wore the shirt because every time I looked at it, it would just remind me that I wasn't 'p' and I would get pissed off. The same performer was in the area last Thursday, and we went to see him again, and I finally wore my shirt. I know that seems pretty insignificant, but it was more symbolic than anything. I couldn't help but think back to the concert last year, when I was still somewhat hopeful that I would soon become pregnant, but still angry that I wasn't having any luck. Needless to say, I enjoyed the performance much more this time around.

On Saturday, DH and I went to see a concert in At.lantic C.ity with another couple. This performer usually plays a free outdoor concert three times a summer, (and we usually go all three times!) and we went to see him this very same weekend last summer...with the very same couple. That weekend last summer was the end of my first 'big' 2ww (first IUI) I was 12dpo and even though I had already POAS and had seen one of what would be many BFNs, I wasn't drinking because I could still be 'p', even though I was pretty sure I wasn't. Ok - I know this sounds like I'm some sort of alcoholic, between this and the 'Drinking days are over' shirt ;-) ... anyway, not having anything to drink wasn't a problem, it's just that I was already preoccupied with the 'first big 2ww' and it just was a reminder all evening, especially when my female friend asked if I wasn't drinking anything because I was 'p'. She had no idea that we were undergoing treatments, so I don't blame her for asking. I just said no, I wasn't. The next day I started spotting, as I eventually found out would always happen at 13dpo, even when taking So there we all were, the same people at the same concert, one year later... I again kept telling DH how much happier I was than last year! As I stood there, I kept thinking back to last June's concert, (it was odd how vivid it was in my mind) and how damned lucky I am to be where I am right now. (23w2d)

I'll have some 'p' updates (and pics) in my next post.

Friday, June 20, 2008

No. No. NO!!

My heart goes out to Rebeccah who has received horrible news. Please stop by and offer your support.

And people wonder why we can't relax, even after seeing a heartbeat....

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Ack! I did it again! I've gotten away from my blog and am totally behind in reading other blogs! It's catch up time. I'm not sure what happened - the days just seem to be flying by and suddenly, I realize it's been almost two weeks since I have posted and have barely read any other blogs.

Everything is fine here - we had my SIL's "big fat baby shower" this weekend - about 80 people! She's due 14 weeks before me so she's almost ready to go! For the record, I have already made it clear to everyone that I do not want a shower - period. There are a variety of reasons for this, and it isn't because I think a shower will 'jinx' anything - I didn't want a bridal shower either. I hope to post more details on this stuff later (plus I need to respond to my tagging!) but for now, I need/want to catch up on some blog reading!

Friday, June 6, 2008

The BIG Ultrasound

Sorry for the delay in posting an update. I didn't get back to the office until 10am, which was later than expected, and had a one-on-one meeting with our program manager (!) shortly after I arrived. Now I'm nervous because I think I am going to be responsible for heading up a lot more automated script writing which involves a lot of programming that... well, let's just say I'm not a programmer! Ack! Then I had a short meeting with my direct manager (yes, I actually do work - since I often post during the day, it may seem like I don't do anything) So anyway....

In a nutshell: It's a healthy.................................

baby!!! Everything is 'perfect', according to the doctor!!

The ultrasound tech first showed me the u/s screen, then started taking measurements and had to turn the screen away, so DH got to watch Butters in detail and I couldn't see for a while! (wah!) I knew the tech couldn't say much to me but I did ask if everything was looking ok and she said yes. After a while, when she was done taking all the measurements and such, she turned the screen back so I could see. Butters was being a little uncooperative with his/her head tucked down so the tech was having trouble getting a face view. We could see the spine perfectly - hands, legs, feet, but Butters wasn't eager to show us his/her full face. The tech did try to get a good 3-D image but it wasn't coming out well because of the position. She tried and tried for quite a while, hoping to get us a better shot, but couldn't, which was ok - I was just happy that everything seemed fine! I knew I wouldn't get the 'official' word until I spoke with the doctor, but I figured the tech wouldn't have spent so much time fiddling around with pictures if there was a problem.

So after the u/s was done, we just waited to speak to the doctor. She came in and said, "Well, everything looks fine - just perfect!" What wonderful words! Butters is 13 ounces and measuring on target, just shy of 21 weeks. She measured my belly, and said my uterus was right on target too. Is this really possible? Everything is just normal?! *huge sigh of relief* And that was it!

I forgot to mention that when we first got there, I told the tech we didn't want to know the gender yet, but could she note it in my file? She hesitated and said that if we didn't want to know she usually then did not enter it into the information she was collecting. I said, "Then this would be the only time we would be able to find out, since I probably won't have another ultrasound?" and looked at DH with big puppy dog eyes, like, "pllleeeaaseee can we find out?" There was another assistant in the room who said I would have one at 32 weeks (cool!) but that sometimes it's hard to tell at that point. DH looked at me with HIS big puppy dog eyes and said "Well... we really did say we would wait...maybe we can still find out at 32 weeks?" So, being the wonderful wife that I am, (ha ha) I told the tech not to tell us, since honestly, I know it means more to DH to NOT find out (I still don't get it, but whatever...) than it means for me to find out. I would like to know but if I don't, it isn't that big of a deal. Trust me, if I felt like I couldn't stand not knowing, I would have put my big size 9.5 foot down and found out. I just told DH that he would be responsible for running out and buying pink or blue stuff at the last minute!

Now it's time to go back to work here. Finally, another step completed towards achieving a RLB (real live baby) Keeping going Butters, keep going!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Tomorrow's Ultrasound

I don't have much to say because I'm just preoccupied, thinking about tomorrow's u/s.

Most people would just be excited, which I am, but I am also nervous. I just hope everything is fine. I have no reason to believe otherwise ... but I know about the tragic conditions that can be discovered during this particular ultrasound. I of course, do not vocalize these thoughts to people IRL, except to say to DH that I am nervous and hope everything is fine. If I mentioned how I felt to anyone, I would probably just be told that I'm too pessimistic, that I need to stop being so negative, blah blah blah. It's not that I'm walking around, worrying 24-7 or anything like that, but these thoughts are still in my mind.

Maybe I just can't believe that I could actually have a normal, uneventful pregnancy?Again, if I mentioned this to people IRL, they would think I was nuts, since I have no reason to think that I wouldn't have a 'regular' pregnancy. Of course, I had no reason to think that I wold have trouble getting pregnant in the first place either...

I also feel guilty because I'm somewhat preoccupied with my weight, which is something I shouldn't be concerned with at the moment, considering the importance of thomorrow's ultrasound. (I think I've gained about 4 or 5 pounds in the last 3.5 weeks - not good - especially since I have increased my exercise - gotta love that.)

However, I am still excited about tomorrow. I'm sure I'll drive the tech crazy, asking if everything looks ok every 20 seconds. 'How is everything? Everything look normal? Do you see any problems? Is everything fine?!' We won't be finding out Butter's gender tomorrow (even though I would love to) because I agreed to wait at least until my SIL delivers in mid-July as a compromise, since DH does not want to know ahead of time. Maybe the u/s tech will slip up and mention the gender... hee hee.

I'll update again after my appointment tomorrow morning.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Was that an elbow or a foot?

FYI: This short post is about 'p' stuff.

Guess what I think I felt last night? I believe Butters was kicking or elbowing me... or something.

I was sitting on the couch a couple of hours after dinner. I just had some decaf coffee, and I felt something below my belly button. You know how sometimes you can feel your heartbeat in other places in your body? I know that sounds weird... but that's sort of what it felt like - like a heartbeat in my belly. Just one, then another, then it stopped. I thought it was gas or digestion, but then realized I had not felt that particular sensation before, so I lay back, pulled up my shirt, put the TV remote on my stomach right below my belly button, (an idea I got from The Sarcastic Journalist at and waited. I then felt the same sensation again and when I did, the remote bounced!!

It happened a few times, so I yelled to DH to come over. The movement of course stopped as soon as DH arrived (c'mon Butters... don't be off for Daddy!) After DH walked away it happened one or two more times, (of course!) then I didn't feel it again.

So, I either have an incredibly active digestive system, or I think I finally felt my first movement. It didn't feel like "butterflies" at all, it was more like a pulse. Pretty cool. Haven't had any such sensations since then, but I realize I won't feel things on a regular basis since it is still early. (I'm 20w3d today) Of course, I'm going to try and repeat the same steps this evening for dinner, wait a bit, have some coffee, sit on the couch, and hope I get to feel the 'belly pulse' again.

Less than 72 hours until my ultrasound, though I'm not counting hours or anything. (yeah, right!)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

To Find Out...or Not?

FYI: This is post pretty much all about 'p' stuff.

A week from tomorrow, I go in for my BIG ultrasound, where I will hopefully find out that Butters is perfectly healthy and isn't missing any important parts! I just received my AFP results yesterday, and everything was 'negative.' (yay!) My Dr's office left a message on my machine, so I don't have any further details. Anyhoo, I won't be finding out at next week's appointment whether Butters is a boy or a girl because I made a deal with DH.

I have always wanted to find out ahead of time what we were having - even before I was 'p'. DH has always wanted to wait until the delivery date, and neither of us has been able to change each other's minds. He wants to be 'surprised'.... well so do I, I just want my surprise earlier! It's still a surprise, no matter when you find out, plus you can plan ahead a little. My acupuncturist tried to tell me how great it was to wait... how people had to wait until the delivery date before there was all this medical technology, and this technology just ruins the excitement, the suspense when the baby is being born and you first see the head, etc (he has a daughter). I of course pointed out to him that without medical technology, I wouldn't even be in this situation! Plus, I just don't buy into all the romanticism that he was putting on the birth process - I'll probably be sweaty, impatient and just wanting Butters out of me - either that or my body won't cooperate and I'll wind up needing a c-section and all the glory of the vaginal birth will be gone out the window anyway.

Can you tell that I'm a little stubborn?! Anyway, for all of you out there who think waiting to find out the baby's gender until the delivery date is the way to go - that's great. I admire your patience! It's just not for me.

So anyway, DH has been unable to convince me that I should wait until October to find out Butters' gender, (and I have to add... as negative as it may sound.... assuming everything works out... I can't help but always think that...) and I haven't been able to convince him that I am, of course right. *wink* So why am I not finding out at next week's ultrasound? After all, the pregnant woman should get her way, right?!

DH asked that, as a temporary compromise, we at least don't find out until my SIL delivers in mid-July. She is not finding out her baby's gender until then, and since she is having the first grandchild (DH has only one sibling) he thinks we shouldn't butt in ahead of her and announce what we are having before she does. I am totally fine with that, so I agreed. DH hopes that by that point, I'll decide to wait... I guess that could happen, though I'm thinking that I'll be tackling the Dr. at the next appointment and wanting to know. A friend suggested that we ask that they write down the gender next week and give it to us in a sealed envelope. I kind of like the sealed envelope idea... then I can steam it open in private and peek! (just kidding!)

I guess after knowing all the intimate details from day one - from my follicle sizes, to the picutre of Butters as a blastocyst, to the early ultrasounds - it's natural to then want to find out the gender. Or perhaps I'm just impatient? Now how do I brainwash DH into agreeing with me? ;-)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Finally Three Out of Four

This past Saturday, DH and I were at a friend's house where, including DH and me, there were four males and four females present - three of the females were pregnant. (suprisingly, none of the men were knocked up) My self-absorbed self couldn't help but think, "Thank God I'm finally one of the three out of four!" I know I would have been a lot less comfortable, to say the least, had I not been 'p'. Actually, I would have been sort-of ok until the unexpected very pregnant guest arrived.

Here's the situation - DH and I went to our friends' house for dinner. We've been close friends with this couple for a while - they have a toddler and they're due with their second child just 5 weeks before me. (pretty cool - if things work out - trying not to jinx anything - our kids will be the same age) I know I would have felt that pang of infertility jealousy if I wasn't 'p' but I'm pretty sure I would have been ok. Their neighbors were also over with their two young children. (conceived easily - I know this because our friends told us) Again, it would not have been the best situation for a non-pregnant infertile, but I had met them before and knew they were going to be there, so I would have been been prepared. Of course, deep down I'm still thinking 'Sigh... they both got pregnant easily...must be nice' but obviously, my current situation squelched those feelings. Anyway, since I would have prepared ahead of time, a non-'p' me would have been ok.. until the neighbor's 8-month pregnant sister showed up. She originally wasn't going to be there, so when she walked through the door, all I could think was how much I would probably be silently freaking if I was sitting there without Butters in me. I'm not sure exactly what I would have done - probably held everything in, drank more beer (because trust me, at that point I would definitely have some alcohol in me) and then cry after I left.

Will there be a day when I don't think 'This is probably how I would feel if I wasn't....'? Probably not.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My Protective Bubble

Meghan's recent post reminded me that I have, so far, been spared from stupid/insensitive pregnancy/infertility comments. DH and I didn't get a lot of annoying, needling questions or comments from those who knew we were undergoing treatments, and didn't hear 'So when are YOU having kids?' a lot from those who didn't. Some friends did ask casually here and there if kids were in our future, at which point we would just say 'yeah, we're trying' and once in a while, if they were close friends, we told them a little about our treatments. After that, they either didn't ask again or were just sympathetic. I have a friend who would jokingly ask me 'So, you knocked up yet?!' right after I got married, before I had any idea that my reproductive organs wanted to play a big joke on me. The last time she asked me this was in late spring 2007. I just said casually "oh, we're trying" and that was the last time she ever said that to me. It's almost as if I sent out some vibe that just let people know to keep their mouth shut. Maybe I didn't sound as 'casual' as I thought.

Perhaps I had some anti-moronic-infertility-comment bubble around me or something. Or maybe I was wearing this shirt and didn't realize it. The bubble was a good thing, because there were plenty of times when my hormone-pumped self probably wouldn't have reacted appropriately. (I guess there was the sponge comment, but that wasn't too bad) Now that I've essentially bragged about how lucky I am, I'm sure I'll be an idiotic comment magnet.

I often wonder if I've said stupid things in years past to people who trying to become pregnant, and didn't even realize it. I bet I did, though I can't think of anything specifically. I do remember hearing two co-workers talking - it must have been at least five or six years ago - about how they just did NOT understand people who had to 'try' to get pregnant. (I wasn't eavesdropping, they were talking almost right next to me) Both of these people - one male and one female - were, let's just say, quite fertile. I remember thinking to myself that not everyone was a baby-making machine, and didn't understand why they thought it was weird that not everyone got pregnant every single time they had unprotected sex - and that was then I thought that I myself might one day get pregnant from actual sex. (ha ha ha!)

If you have been the victim of stupid infertility/pregnancy comments, feel free to share them. Wait, no, do not share them, because I don't want any comments.

Anyway, I hope my bubble continues to stay in tact. As you can probably tell, I have nothing very interesting to report today. I would like to say I feel some kind of movement, but I think it's just gas. Actually, I'm sure it's just gas, or my stomach digesting the two bagels I scarfed down this morning (not my fault! there were free, fresh bagels in the conference room! how could I resist?)

18w4d. Only 16 days until my u/s... not that I'm counting or anything.

Monday, May 19, 2008

18w2d (because I can't think of a title)

Another 'no-no'.
Oh come on! I can't freaking do anything! No alcohol, coffee, sushi... or cell phone?

Warning: Using a mobile phone while pregnant can seriously damage your baby

I know, I know, the study could be jumping to conclusions too quickly, and next year a study could come out that totally contradicts this one... but I'm going to try and cut my cell phone use, just in case. If I won't take a sip of alcohol (and yes, I know you can probably have a little here and there without causing a problem), if I won't take asprin for a pounding headache, I'm certainly not taking any chances by gabbing on my dumb cell phone. Watch, they'll be a study next year showing how cell phone usage makes babies smart - you just wait!

The 'p' update.
So, am I back in the first trimester today or something? I actually had a slight bit of nausea this morning - very minor, but it was still there. Plus, I was dragging all yesterday (though I was out until 2:30am Sat night), fell asleep early last night and just did not want to get out of bed this morning! I still feel like going back to sleep. My very tight pants are reminding me though, that I am indeed at 18w2d. I think I 'popped' in the past few days, and yes, there will be more pictures.
I went out on Saturday to see a local band and ran into a couple of people I had not seen in a while...there was no hiding my belly (I would have had to wear a sweatshirt for that) but no one said anything... probably because they were trying to figure out if I was 'p' or just getting chunky! (btw, is it creepy that I wore a black shirt with a skull on the front? DH thought it was hilarious) I still look more chunky than 'p', and I know people at work are going to start wondering - but will be afraid to ask! Heh heh. I'm letting them all wonder for a little longer.

So you wanted to know about my job? Not really? I'm telling you anyway!
I realize in most job situations, it would be a bad idea to not mention anything to your boss by this point, since they'll want to plan who will take over certain duties, etc. However, this isn't exactly the case here. I'm a contractor, and do not have any maternity leave/vacation pay, which works fine for me since my hourly rate makes up for that. However, I also don't have guaranteed long-term employment. It all has to do with funding for the particular project I work on, which I won't get into. Last year, they had to let me (and others) go from October through December. This actually worked well for me, because my home business gets very busy during those months. They then called me back at the beginning of January (since they just love me) for six weeks... which then got extended through April... and now I am on a month to month basis. I actually don't mind this type of situation though. It's the type of job where they will most likely have work for me, maybe just not year-round, which is fine because I never planned to work full-time with a child (thus the home business, though that wound up not providing the income I had hoped for, which is why it's now only a small side business) I'm hoping that I can work something like 20 hours a week perhaps, since they are very flexible with contractors, especially those with children (still hard for me t think of myself actually having a child!) but we'll see. And yep, I am at work right now and am waiting for something because I can't start my next test write-up until I have this particular information. (tapping fingers...)

Oh, and all of you who commented when I told you not too - you are in soooo much trouble! *wink*

Friday, May 16, 2008

You're Not Supposed To Read This.

I first just have to mention Nancy - congratulations! I'm sure most people already know about her blog, but if you don't... she 's proof that BFPs can indeed not show up until 11dp3dt! (which would be approximately 9dp5dt) Of course, I don't think anyone who sees a stark white area where they hope to see a second line, or worse, the awful 'NOT PREGNANT' message that some tests scream, wants to hear 'Oooh - there is still hope!' I know that wouldn't have helped me at 8dp5dt when I am sure I would have seen a BFN, had I had the balls to actually POAS that day. (My beta was not very high at 9dp5dt and I was spotting!)

Anyway... ummm...I guess I have very shy visitors? I mean really people, three whole comments from my last post? Phhhht! Oh well, I really had hoped to find out a little more about my readers, and see if there were silent lurkers out there. Thanks to those who did comment.

Essentially begging for comments probably is a bad idea anyway. Besides - I don't want comments. I hate blog comments. Please do not post comments here, ever! In fact, make sure you do not read this blog! Are you still reading this? I just told you not to!

So anyway, reading Dr. Grumbles recent entry regarding the shirts she would like to purchase reminded me of the shirts that happen to be on their way to me right now from Caf.e I purchased this one for now and this one for when I'm bigger... assuming things continue to go along according to plan. Yes, I do still have concerns about things suddenly taking a turn for the worse. I do not really vocalize such thoughts to people IRL, because most would think I was a complete idiot, but I think those in the IF world will understand. Anyway, I plan to wear the 'Designated Driver' one next Friday when I go to the annual ' and' celebration with DH at a bar down by the shore. (I only live an hour from the beach) This will be the fifth year there - I even took off work! Basically, you get there at 10am, eat, drink beer (Nothing like beer before noon! And no, of course I will not be drinking beer this year!), and listen to bands to kick off Memorial Day weekend. Local radio stations broadcast from the event, there are giveaways, etc. Lots of people there tend to wear shirts with funny/smart ass comments on them, so I thought the Designated Driver one was appropriate! I also bought a shirt for DH to wear. Heh heh.

My enormous number of commentors did say that they would like to see more posts about my preg... my pregggg... me being 'p'. Well, all three of you are going to be just so happy that you made that request after reading this! I have had an annoying cough for the past 3 weeks. I feel fine, as I believe it is just allergy related, (just a lot of mucous) but I am doing a lot of coughing... which means I have to be verrrry careful. See, umm, if my preg-bladder has just a teensy weensy amount of liquid in it... and I cough too hard... guess what happens? Little leaks. Yes, I know... eeeww!!! No, I do not need Depends, I just need to hold back my urge to cough if I haven't peed in the past 10 seconds. Sometimes when I have to cough up a nice, big gob of something (grossed out yet?) I actually get up to go to the bathroom to cough because I know there's bound to be a leak. It's lots of fun.... so fun that perhaps I should get this shirt. Seriously, would anyone wear that? Wait, don't answer that, because I hate comments. And why are you still reading?

There is a ton of stuff that needs to get done at our house before October... and I have the urge to throw out all of my furniture because apparently, the 'nesting' instinct is synonymous with suddenly hating everything in your house. Little things that never bothered me before are driving me nuts. I obviously didn't want to start 'preparing' too early, because that would of course just jinx everything, but I don't want to be scrambling in September, stressing because my computers are still set up smack in the middle of what is supposed to be a nursery. I do actually have a ton of baby stuff already though - crib set bottles, blankets, shirts, wall decorations - lots of stuff. I've had them for a while...some before I was even seeing my RE. The presense of these don't count towards any type of 'jinxing' because they're different. I realize what I just said makes no sense - and it isn't supposed to. I'll explain it in my next post, because this one is getting too long. Plus, I want to make sure there's a reason for people to not come back here.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Hey Readers! (or how to rip off an idea from another Blogger)

I am so totally ripping off this idea from Duck's post.

I'm curious about my readers, though I only recently bothered to install a stat counter on my blog. I figured only about 10 people read this thing, but the counter shows quite a bit more than that! Of course, many people find this blog through old posts by searching for 7dpIUI symptoms and such, and probably don't stay very long. Someone just found me by searching for 'gonal don't feel eggs.' Don't feel eggs? That cracked me up but I gather the person is doing injectibles and thought she would feel more ovarian activity. Anyway, dear readers... who are you?

Do you think my blog sucks, or do you think it's awesome? You can be honest - you won't hurt my feelings. Years of on-line debating has provided me with very thick skin.

Do you find my posts witty, stupid, or somewhere in between?

You probably don't know me in real life.... but if you do, let me know. Then tell me how the hell you found me! (Hi Mike)

Are you reading from work or home?

Are you infertile, super-fertile, or somewhere in between?

How long have you been reading this blog?

Are you from the U.S. or somewhere else?

What would you like to see me post about more, or don't you care?

How long have you been on the Internet? Have you been using the Internet long enough to remember Lynx?

Today I am 17w5d. (am mentioning that mostly for search engine purposes) I feel bloated today (I know you all want to know this!) because I learned, once again, that no matter how hungry I am, if I eat too much at one time it all just seems to sit like a brick on my belly! Hey, speaking of search engines...who remembers when there was no Google?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Belly!

FYI: This post contains 'p' related stuff, belly pictures, and stuff about weight. I will also preface this by saying that I know how INCREDIBLY lucky I am to be in the situation I am in right now!! Trust me; I am thankful every single day. My struggle with infertility has been easy compared to what so many others have had to go through.

I had my monthly OB appointment this morning. I had blood taken for my AFP test and heard the awesome little heartbeat. My next appointment is the one with the BIG ultrasound (finally!) where hopefully, everything will check out ok.

Now for the belly pictures. Here I am in all my glory.

It's pretty neat that I managed to get a beer gut without having a sip of beer! Of course, I hoped to have one of those cute bumps in the lower belly - instead it looks like Butters is sitting right below my chest. My Butters belly can still be hidden in the right clothing. I have many years of experience in 'strategic dressing' because there have been times in my life where my boobs and gut have been bigger than they are now. Now, am I complaining about my Butters gut? NO! One may also wonder why I would even try to dress in a way to hide my belly. This is hard to explain and may sound extremely shallow without me getting into my whole 'weight history'.

I am actually eager to really show, but during this little in-between stage, I don’t appear ‘p’, just bigger, so I still dress in a way to hide weight gain. This, I realize, is very insane and again may sound extremely self-absorbed, selfish and vain. I should just shut up unless I just explain myself fully. Maybe I can provide a couple of factoids to help explain this for the time being. Let me first say that I would rather gain 80 pounds and be ‘p’ than to NOT be ‘p’.

(If you have never had weight issues, the following information may seem weird and rather boring.)

I gain weight easily. I once gained 40 pounds in one year, after losing 20. (yeah, that was really smart!) I have never been obese, but have struggled with my weight since I was young. I was teased about it, especially because some of my weight went to my chest. I am a lifetime member of We.ight Wa.tchers. I workout on a regular basis (weights and cardio) and my body still doesn't seem to want to use up more calories, even with increased muscle mass. If there was a famine, I would be a survivor because my body is wonderfully efficient at storing fat.

If someone told me last year I would be posting my weight on the Internet, as well as pictures of my bare middle, I would have told the person to please go seek psychiatric help immediately. Now look at me...

I am 5'4", and at my 13 week appointment, I weighed 143, which was also my weight at 9 weeks. That wouldn’t be too bad, except that when I started fertility treatments last June, I weighed 125, after working hard to take off a little winter weight. Fertility drugs did a number on my weight (I know it fluctuated based on how my clothing would fit - especially my bras) so I stopped getting weighed. I didn't want the additional stress, and doing whatever I had to do to try and become pregnant was far more important than a number on a scale.

I did get weighed at my RE's office at around 5 weeks but refused to look at the scale. I think I may have weighed somewhere in the mid 130's (again, based on how clothes fit). After that, all my clothes got tighter and my chest grew a whole size (arrggh!) almost immediately! Seriously, it was like as soon as I received a positive beta, my body went 'Hey! Pregnancy! Woo hoo! Time to expand!' Plus, my RE wanted me to stay out of the gym for the first few weeks as a precaution, plus I had ZERO energy... and I was hungrier, and had very little nausea. This all adds up to some nice, quick weight gain.

I was a bit concerned (who am I kidding – I was very concerned!) that I would keep gaining at the same rate, which wouldn’t be healthy. Plus, silly me kept Googling things like ‘weight gain 8 weeks pregnancy’ and found all sorts of posts about people losing weight in the first trimester! BAH!! I feel a lot better now, because luckily, it seems like my body has decided to take a momentary break from extreme fat storage, (that sounds like a reality show - EXtreme Fat Storage!) because I weighed 144 at today’s appointment (17w3d). So now I can eat all I want!! ;-) (kidding - I wish!)

So, for anyone who feels like they have ballooned after the first positive pregnancy test - you're not alone! And for all of you who lost weight - go away! (just kidding) So there you have it - me and my weight. Sooo, I can say I've gained one pound in the past eight weeks, or that I am 19 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy (and pre-fertility meds) weight. Guess which one I think sounds a little nicer?!

I may have some issues, but remember, if I had to gain 100 pounds for my little Butters, I would. So, I do realize that this post may have sounded selfish and vain - I hope it doesn't, but I am prepared for such comments.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Talk about Unfair...

I am hoping for a miracle for Cam. Look at what she has been through. I mean, come ON. I know it's a long shot, but I really hope her beta results show that the evil pee stick was wrong.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Look! A Post!

First.....awesome news! Congratulations to Denise.. and Rebeccah... and Dr. Grumbles!

It's funny, but I just don't seem to be 'into' your standard pregnancy blogs and such. I am still more interested in reading infertility blogs, or 'p' updates from those who have had fertility issues. I don't seek out new IF blogs to read, but am much more interested in keeping up with the ones I have been following than seeking out pregnancy message boards and such. The only time I read your standard 'p' boards (I never post) is if I am looking up something and come across one in my search results. I'm not quite sure why, but I just don't connect with them. Again, I am very interested in reading the 'p' updates from IF blogs, so it's not that I don't want to read about other people's pregnancy experiences.

Maybe I would be the same way even if I wasn't infertile. Even in the early days, when I was merely charting my temps and keeping nice little graphs (I still have them), and plugging terms like 'symptoms 8dpo' into search engines (before I had to take progesterone which causes lovely early pregnancy symptoms, when you're not pregnant!) I could never get into all the 'baby dust' and such. I don't know, maybe if I had gotten knocked up the old-fashioned way, I'd be sprinkling baby dust all over the Internet, but I don't think so.

I really want to update this blog a lot more. (now that was a smooth transition, wasn't it?) No, really, I do. I compose posts in my head but for some reason have not been actually writing them down. I wonder sometimes if I am holding back because I am afraid I may get too involved in the whole blog thing. I say this because years ago, (here's where you actually get to know a little more about me!) I was VERY involved in writing commentary for web sites, including my own. It had nothing to do with infertility (I wasn't even dating DH yet) but instead revolved around... issues. Things that generated lots of 'You're awesome!' or 'I want you to DIE!' e-mails. I even got to be a commentator a few times on TV (you know, the kind where they have three or four people featured who get asked a few questions about certain issues). That was... wow, over 10 years ago! You'd never know by this bland blog, would you?! I haven't been involved in commentary writing for quite a while now - I just got burned out and became involved in other things. Anyway, if I do update more, it will probably still be the same, bland posts. I don't seek to make this place an area of heated debate ;-)

FYI: 'P' updates below.

Sooo... today I am 16w6d. (I'll just say 17 weeks!) No, I have not felt movement, and I don't expect to for quite a few weeks, since this is my first. I feel pretty good. Once in a while I will get a killer headache (had one last Saturday) and Ty.lenol dulls it only a tad. Years ago, I used to get headaches on a regular basis, and Ex.cedrin was my best friend. Ex.cedrin rules! However, I obviously can't take that (here Butters, want a nice dose of Asprin and caffeine?!) Not that I haven't had any caffeine. I have. I stopped all caffeine for most of the first trimester, and now limit myself to two cups of coffee a week...big cups of strong coffee. (Hey, if I only get two....) And I've had some chocolate (which I need like a third boob)
Showing? Depends. The belly has appeared, but can be disguised. (people at my office still do not know) It's not really a 'bump' - you know, those cute little ones in your lower abdomen? Nope - it just looks like I've gained weight all around my middle. I have not taken a 'belly shot' since week 12 so I think it's time again. (should I post them?)

[Again, there is a section I wrote then removed regarding weight. I have saved it and will use that in another post. Yes! There will be another post!]

Oh, I was asked if I craved any specific foods. Not really, though I have had an aversion to quesadillas pretty much since the beginning. This is very odd, because I loved quesadillas! We own a quesadilla maker! They now pretty much gross me out, which makes no sense because I still like cheese and chicken and bread. Why the combination is so unappealing to me now is pretty strange.

I wake up almost every single night to pee. Last night I got up twice. I didn't think that would happen this early, but oh well. Usually I can sleep through a massively full bladder! (TMI, I'm sure)

I have been able to keep my mind off of the 'what-if's', even though I am well aware that bad things can still happen at this stage of the game. I am trying to balance this awareness with telling myself that I have to just assume that things will be ok, and to not dwell on the tragic 'what-if's'. No amount of worrying will prepare me for something terrible. I'm not saying that I don't worry - I do, but I try not to.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Evap Lines?

Update: They weren't evap lines - she got a BFP!
Ok, you have to go over to this blog and see what is going on! Long story short - she's getting evap lines on her pee sticks (evil pee sticks!)... but they sure don't look like evap lines to me! She had a beta at her Dr.'s office and they say the Dr. is away and she will have to wait until next Tuesday for the results! WHA? It's like a little soap opera and I must stop refreshing her blog! Anyway, go over and check out the pics of the "evap lines" - if her beta winds up being negative with lines coming up like that, I will conclude that all pee sticks are indeed made by satan himself.

ps - I am 15w5d today. Nothing much to report, except that I sometimes want to eat a small house. Energy level is pretty much back to normal. In fact, I don't feel 'p' much at all - it's weird. Only thing is when I eat, even just a little, it seems that my stomach really bloats up, but then it goes back down after a while (well, down to it's currently larger size from the weight I put on in the first few weeks) Make sense?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Belly Shots

Look! I actually created a belly shots page! (finally) I will update this periodically with new pictures. Last updated on 10/12/08. (39w1d)

It may appear that there were other people in some of these pictures who were cropped out. They were. Since none of the people in the pictures know about this blog, I didn't think it would be appropriate to post their pictures without them knowing.

38 weeks P38 weeks P
37 weeks P
36 weeks P
29 weeks P30 weeks P

24.5 weeks P28 weeks P
22.5 weeks P24 weeks P

Belly Pics

Before P
Ah yes, and here I am last year, a fertility novice,
with only two months of clo.mid under my belt.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Still Kicking - 14w3d

I should write a nice long post with lots of updates right now, but I'm not. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong - I just haven't been posting, and not for any particular reason other than I've not been in 'writing mo0d' for some reason. Don't know why. I have things in my head that I want to say but I just haven't been writing them down. Here's the super brief overview, which I hope I have the motivation to expand upon and don't just disappear for another month! But you know me...

(The following has to do with 'p' stuff, for anyone who may not be in the mood to read)

1. Butters update: Had NT scan a few weeks ago at 12w2d. The ultrasound was super clear and I could have sat and watched Butters move around all day. He/she didn't want to get in the correct position for the ultrasound tech and insisted on laying upside down with his/her butt in the air. I actually had to get up and jump around to try and get Butters in the right position. (seriously) Butters measured slightly ahead at 12w6d. The results were good - my risk for Trisomy 21 is now 1:1000 and my risk for Trisomy 18 is 1:10000. I am not getting an amnio.

2. Symptom update: I have more energy now, and have been back at the gym now for about 7 weeks, but am still a little more tired than usual. I also just started getting headaches, which are probably hormone related. I had a particularly bad one this morning, which has faded a bit thanks to Tylenol, but it's still there.

3. Bump update: No bump. I am not showing yet. The weight I have gained seems to be distributed all over (?) I did not gain anything between my 9 and 13 week OB visit - which is good because I put on some weight right in the beginning. I'm not overweight, but I'm not underweight either. I just removed a long paragraph I just wrote about weight because it really needs to be a separate post and not included in a brief update. If you're like me and had weight struggles since you were a child, then you'll understand....

4. Next Dr. appointment: May 13.

I know a lot of people - well, a lot in the small group of blogs I tend to follow (and have neglected commenting recently on yet again!) are in the 2ww right now or are just about to be. I really hope there's some good news this month.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Quick Hello (and yet another sad story)

First, thanks again for all of your comments. I've been a bit busy and once again have neglected my blog reading /posting and hope catch up by the weekend. (Seems like I say this ever few posts, doesn't it?)

I did read a few blogs this morning and once again, came across horrible news!! Please visit and offer your support. She just lost her twins at 23 weeks. :(

It seems like I'm posting a link to a very sad story every few posts too. Is it me or does it seem like there is a higher incidence of tragedies for those who have struggled with infertility, once they do become pregnant? I know there are many wonderful stories out there, but I don't read that many blogs and this just seems to keep happening! I guess I don't really read pregnancy blogs that aren't related to infertility though. It's just so sad.

I'll be back shortly....

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Things I've Been Thinking About

Some blogs I have read in the past day or so has reminded me of a few things I've been wondering about on and off. So, if you read this and think 'Hey, this sounds like something I just mentioned in my blog!' well, yeah, I probably read your post and it got me thinking.

1. Reading IF blogs that have announced BFPs.
2. Posting in other blogs.
3. The feelings of a failed IVF cycle.
4. Hindsight - should I have gotten pregnant in my 20's?

1. Reading IF blogs that have announced BFPs. Understandably, there are mixed emotions when you see your blogging buddies, especially ones cycling at the same time as you, receive BFPs, and you don't. I've been there, though maybe not totally, because my failed cycles were IUIs and perhaps the feeling would be different/even worse if it was an IVF cycle. I don't know...though I did experience, for half of a day, what it must feel like - see number 3. Anyway, at one point last fall, I just stayed away from the whole blogging thing, thus the lack of posting here from Nov-Dec. When I was around, I did keep up with some BFP blogs, but I have to admit, it was hard. And I felt guilty at the time about it, because I was happy for all of those women, but yes, I was jealous. I say I felt guilty 'at the time' because now, currently being on that 'BFP list' I don't blame anyone a darn bit if they stay away from here, which is why I'm not surprised that most of my readers are now gone. I'm amazed that anyone is still reading this. Maybe it gives people hope, but I'm sure it also hurts people. This also leads to my next thought...

2. Posting in other blogs. I currently do not post comments in any IF blogs unless I have already posted before so they are familiar with me. I'm not sure someone who is in the middle of cycling wants to click on my profile, go to my blog for the first time, expecting to see a post about infertility and be smacked with "woo hoo - look at my u/s pics!" However, does it bother anyone who is familiar with my blog, when I post comments in theirs, if they have just dealt with a loss/failed/canceled cycle? Meaning, is it hurtful in any way? If so, I'll refrain from commenting, and will totally understand.

3. The feelings of a failed IVF cycle.
I did experience, for half of a day, what it must feel like to have a failed IVF cycle. And NO, I am not equating that with those who have had failed cycles - just saying that I do have an idea what it feels like. Honestly. Those who have been following my blog may recall that I was sure this past cycle had failed on the day of my beta, and I would have canceled the beta had I not wanted to go in to let them know I wanted to get the next cycle started asap. I really did have a post ready that day about my feelings about the failed cycle, which I never posted only because I wanted to conclude it with what I would be doing next, and I was waiting to hear from my RE's office. The title of that post included the word 'dead'. I was bitter, and strangely numb. It was like, once I finished freaking out early that morning, my emotions shut down. I felt like I would never cry again (and I cry pretty easily), and I started thinking of the next cycle in a very unemotional, clincial sort of way. When I read of others' failed cycles, I think back to that day, and the feelings are still very vivid. I'm sorry that anyone ever has to feel like that.

4. Hindsight - should I have gotten pregnant in my 20's? I know many of us who are in our mid-late 30's or 40's may wonder if we waited too long to have kids, and 'what if' we had started earlier.' I've thought about this, and DH asked my during my last cycle, would I have rathered had kids years ago (assuming I wouldn't have had problems when I was younger) if I had known I would be infertile? At the time he asked this, I had not received any 'positive' news yet. I said honestly, no. First, his question was also very interesting, because we were still dating during my teens and very early 20's. (yes, I dated DH many years ago before we went are separate ways for about 10 years) Maybe I should have just stayed with DH way back when and had kids! I thought about that and still my answer was 'no.' I wasn't ready to marry DH then - I don't think it would have worked, which is why we parted ways back then! I would always wondered if I settled down too early, we wouldn't have become the people we are now - we might have split, not been good parents, for all I know I may have been selfish and wound up resenting getting pregnant early! Who knows! We grew as people and somehow found our way back to each other. (boy, that last sentence sounds sappy)

But what about after we parted ways, when I in my late 20's/early 30's? How about the years I did have another long-term boyfriend? Looking back, I am so happy that I did not settle down then and have kids. I can't imagine now... just can't fathom the idea of having married someone else and having their kids. Argh! All in all, I don't feel as if I made the wrong decision by waiting for the right person before trying to have kids - and again, I felt like this before I had any idea that my cycle may have worked. Not everyone meets the right person when they're young... technically I did meet DH when I was young, but it was too young.

Just stuff I've been thinking about......

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

9w3d - First OB Appointment

FYI: This post is just basically about my OB appointment today.

9w3d ... but yesterday was 9w1d, so how is that possible? Answer: I received an updated measurement today because I scored another ultrasound! :) Yes!! They weren't going to do one initialy, but perhaps my puppy dog eyes convinced them otherwise. You may see me on an upcoming episode of Intervention, with my family trying to pry me away from u/s machines. Anyway....

The Ob/Gyn I am going to is the same one I've been seeing since I was a teenager. My doctor retired a few years ago and I have been seeing a new one since then. My appointment today, however, was with a nurse practitioner. After turning some initial paperwork they had sent me to fill out prior to my visit, I went into a consultation room. The nurse practitioner came in, looked over my paperwork, asked me some initial questions, and then went over some basic information - what not to eat, what I should eat, exercise, medication, etc. I received a folder of informational pamphlets and a pregnancy book. She then explained how often I would be coming - once a month until ... I forget what week....30? Anyway, once a month for quite a while, and they would perform an ultrasound at 20 weeks. I was surprised that they didn't do one a little earlier... anyway, this was, of course, the perfect time for me to ask, "Soooo... are you going to do an u/s today?" She said no, (nicely) and then continued. Would I like to make an appointment with a genetic counselor to screen for certain conditions? They can do a nuchal translucency ultrasound and bloodwork around week 11-13 to assess the possibility of certain problems. I said yes, only because I want to be as informed as possible. (I can't say that the extra ultrasound didn't also factor into my decision!) At the end of the consultation, I said, lightheartedly, "So, no chance of an ultrasound today?" and smiled. I didn't want her to know how psycho I really am! She said no, since I just had one last week and I said I understood, I was just being over-cautious, wanting to make sure "everything was still there!" and kind of laughed. Again, I didn't want the depth of my nuttiness to be obvious. (Denise, I did think about your suggestion :) )

I then went into the examination room for the examination - checking my uterus, listening to my heart, breast exam, etc. I already had a pap smear and the initial bloodwork done while still at my RE. So I change, and wait...wait.... Hmm, wonder why the wait? The door opens and I see the nurse practitioner wheeling something in behind her... wait, is that an ULTRASOUND MACHINE?! She turns to me, smiles, and says, "Alright, alright, you win, we'll take a peek in there, though the picture won't be very good" YES!! I'm not concerned about the picture quality - show me a HB! I thank her and let her know how appreciative I am. She pours some goop on my belly, and I think "Wow, a non-dildo cam u/s!" Well, that didn't work too well... she couldn't really pick anything up. I wasn't concerned since it's still pretty early. So, she said she'd get the dildo-cam (obviously she didn't call it that!) and try that after she does the regular exam.

So, after the exam, she gets the nice little wand, and voila! We see everything right away. Now, this u/s machine wasn't nearly as clear as the one at the RE's office, but I could clearly see Butters. She pointed out the HB (which I could barely see on this machine, but whatever, as long as she saw it!) and then did measurements. "Right on target" she said, "9 weeks, 3 days, perfect." A wave of relief washed over me. Now, I know that this still doesn't mean something can't still go wrong but for some reason, I felt like the 9 week mark was critical. I didn't get a picture, which is fine, since they weren't even planning on doing an u/s initially.

The nurse practitioner did say something I found a little funny. She knew I underwent IVF from my records, so as she was doing the u/s she asked, "So, how many eggs did you put back?" Eggs? Oh, you mean I could have just put eggs back in my uterus? Heh heh. I just smiled and said two.

My next appointment is April 15. (tax day!) However, my screening appointment will be some time before then. In the meantime, I still have plenty to post about, assuming I don't continue to sleep 30 hours a night. Oh, I did forget to mention that I am down to just one dose of crinone gel a day instead of two! I am supposed to continue with the progest.erone until I am 10 weeks along, which is this weekend. Yay, no more yucky gel!