Thursday, May 29, 2008

To Find Out...or Not?

FYI: This is post pretty much all about 'p' stuff.

A week from tomorrow, I go in for my BIG ultrasound, where I will hopefully find out that Butters is perfectly healthy and isn't missing any important parts! I just received my AFP results yesterday, and everything was 'negative.' (yay!) My Dr's office left a message on my machine, so I don't have any further details. Anyhoo, I won't be finding out at next week's appointment whether Butters is a boy or a girl because I made a deal with DH.

I have always wanted to find out ahead of time what we were having - even before I was 'p'. DH has always wanted to wait until the delivery date, and neither of us has been able to change each other's minds. He wants to be 'surprised'.... well so do I, I just want my surprise earlier! It's still a surprise, no matter when you find out, plus you can plan ahead a little. My acupuncturist tried to tell me how great it was to wait... how people had to wait until the delivery date before there was all this medical technology, and this technology just ruins the excitement, the suspense when the baby is being born and you first see the head, etc (he has a daughter). I of course pointed out to him that without medical technology, I wouldn't even be in this situation! Plus, I just don't buy into all the romanticism that he was putting on the birth process - I'll probably be sweaty, impatient and just wanting Butters out of me - either that or my body won't cooperate and I'll wind up needing a c-section and all the glory of the vaginal birth will be gone out the window anyway.

Can you tell that I'm a little stubborn?! Anyway, for all of you out there who think waiting to find out the baby's gender until the delivery date is the way to go - that's great. I admire your patience! It's just not for me.

So anyway, DH has been unable to convince me that I should wait until October to find out Butters' gender, (and I have to add... as negative as it may sound.... assuming everything works out... I can't help but always think that...) and I haven't been able to convince him that I am, of course right. *wink* So why am I not finding out at next week's ultrasound? After all, the pregnant woman should get her way, right?!

DH asked that, as a temporary compromise, we at least don't find out until my SIL delivers in mid-July. She is not finding out her baby's gender until then, and since she is having the first grandchild (DH has only one sibling) he thinks we shouldn't butt in ahead of her and announce what we are having before she does. I am totally fine with that, so I agreed. DH hopes that by that point, I'll decide to wait... I guess that could happen, though I'm thinking that I'll be tackling the Dr. at the next appointment and wanting to know. A friend suggested that we ask that they write down the gender next week and give it to us in a sealed envelope. I kind of like the sealed envelope idea... then I can steam it open in private and peek! (just kidding!)

I guess after knowing all the intimate details from day one - from my follicle sizes, to the picutre of Butters as a blastocyst, to the early ultrasounds - it's natural to then want to find out the gender. Or perhaps I'm just impatient? Now how do I brainwash DH into agreeing with me? ;-)

11 comments:

Meghan said...

If he just doesn't want his sis to know, why don't the two of you just not tell anyone? (can you tell I'm totally on your side on this one??) All I know is that it was still a surprise when the tech told me and I still cried right there on the table.

Good luck convincing him!

Ms. J said...

Tough call. I always said I would NOT find out . . . then again I always hunted for my Christmas presents and was able to loosen the tape and wrapping paper to sneak a peak without anyone being the wiser!

Duck said...

well I'm totally with you, and thankfully so is mr.duck, although we've never been that p word yet, we want to know what's in there, I think it's the infertile thing, the "surprise" is when I deliver a healthy baby, that is surprise enough for us, knowing the sex, just would make it more real, and anything that makes it more real is good...
But, I really don't understand the waiting to find out and wanting the surprise bit at all, what surprise, you get to have a baby, that's the surprise, everything is okay, that's the surprise (yeah I'm totally with you on this one).

docgrumbles said...

I am all about finding out. I like to know and to plan, but that is me.

Susan said...

Congrats on the AFP results. My hubby and I had opposing opinions on the gender thing too. I didn't want to know. He said he could keep it a secret from me, but I can't stand him knowing something that I didn't. So, he won. I think it is exciting whenever you find out.

I can't wait to see the pics when you get them.

Denise said...

We haven't had that conversation yet and now you totally have me freaking out! I NEED to know and what if DH needs NOT to know? Damn.

Would it be totally wrong for one of you to know without the other knowing if you promise not to tell anyone? Did you ever see that Friends episode when Rachel finds out the sex of the baby, but Ross doesn't want to know. Joey makes some comment about how he's gonna be an uncle, "or an aunt!" Just made me think of that.

Rebeccah said...

I've always had a problem with the fact that the first thing everyone says in those Hollywood movies after the mother gives birth is "it's a girl!" or "it's a boy!" In my perfect world, the instant you begin taking breaths in the world should be about celebrating life, not about identifying your gender (can you tell I almost minored in women's studies?). I'd rather have the first thing that we all say about the baby be something like "yay, 10 fingers and toes!" So we're going to find out the gender early. But I still see the allure in the element of surprise ...

Optimistic said...

I HAD to find out the gender. I kept thinking it would nice to be "surprised" but having the option to know.. we just had to know. Plus it makes buying things now sooo much easier! ;)

Rebecca said...

Congrats on the test...that always gives you peace of mind.

I like the deal...it makes sense. He must be very thoughtful! I have a friend who says that finding out the gender after giving birth not only makes you work hard in order to find out (like you have a choice), but it's also one of life's last surprises...I have always respected that and if I weren't have twins, I probably wouldn't have found out either! Good luck waiting...I give you credit!

Kymberli said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy and coming so far!

I was always too impatient to find out, and thankfully, so was my husband. At least you two were able to come to a compromise!

momquixote said...

I would want to know SO BAD. My husband would be one who'd prefer to wait. Ah, I guess there are more important things to worry about, ha? But some of us just need to know everything immediately!