Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Finally Three Out of Four

This past Saturday, DH and I were at a friend's house where, including DH and me, there were four males and four females present - three of the females were pregnant. (suprisingly, none of the men were knocked up) My self-absorbed self couldn't help but think, "Thank God I'm finally one of the three out of four!" I know I would have been a lot less comfortable, to say the least, had I not been 'p'. Actually, I would have been sort-of ok until the unexpected very pregnant guest arrived.

Here's the situation - DH and I went to our friends' house for dinner. We've been close friends with this couple for a while - they have a toddler and they're due with their second child just 5 weeks before me. (pretty cool - if things work out - trying not to jinx anything - our kids will be the same age) I know I would have felt that pang of infertility jealousy if I wasn't 'p' but I'm pretty sure I would have been ok. Their neighbors were also over with their two young children. (conceived easily - I know this because our friends told us) Again, it would not have been the best situation for a non-pregnant infertile, but I had met them before and knew they were going to be there, so I would have been been prepared. Of course, deep down I'm still thinking 'Sigh... they both got pregnant easily...must be nice' but obviously, my current situation squelched those feelings. Anyway, since I would have prepared ahead of time, a non-'p' me would have been ok.. until the neighbor's 8-month pregnant sister showed up. She originally wasn't going to be there, so when she walked through the door, all I could think was how much I would probably be silently freaking if I was sitting there without Butters in me. I'm not sure exactly what I would have done - probably held everything in, drank more beer (because trust me, at that point I would definitely have some alcohol in me) and then cry after I left.

Will there be a day when I don't think 'This is probably how I would feel if I wasn't....'? Probably not.


Susan said...

Wow! You really did handle that well. I would get all freaked out just thinking about being around my cousins who all happen to have three or more kids and their biggest problem was trying to have a boy! Never mind that they weren't even pregnant. I would get crazy just knowing that they could just decide to have another child and do it. Your friends just must be that great. That's truly a blessing.

nancy said...

You know what? I'm GLAD it took me so long to get pregnant. When I look at my fertile friends, they just don't understand how special their pregnancies really were. I mean, yeah - they love their babies the same, but I have this sort of special knowledge about the pregnancy itself. Most of the fertiles just thought their pregnancies was the means to get their babies. But to me, it was SO much more.

Ms. J said...

As you know, my situation is slightly different . . . nonetheless, I can absolutely report that while I am no longer as active in my grief (oh, it's there I assure you, over babies we have lost), I am no longer quite as outwardly irritated at pregnant women. HOWEVER, if they are "pancake makers" (that's my term for people who "make kids as easy as if they were making pancakes") I am still resentful inwardly. I think it's because they don't fret over things and have all the worries that WE do -- they have struggled in their journey to be a parent, and haven't experienced the profound grief some of us have. Now if I know they have struggled, then I am VERY supportive and happy for them.

Twisted? Probably. True? Absof'inlutely!

I appreciate you admitting that you still have residual mixed feelings about all of it. Lord knows I still do.

Um, since I CAN drink, mind if I have an extra beer for ya ;o)