IVF#2... We've got one bean....

If you are reading this for the first time, please be aware that many of the links on the side are outdated... I need to update that, and many other areas of my neglected blog.

A few things....
At this point, IVF #2 worked... had one ultrasound last week and there is one little sac. I have one this Friday and hope to see a heartbeat. I actually POAS after writing my last post and it looked negative... then I went back later and saw the *faintest* line... which NEVER happened to me. I could look at tests 8 hours later and it would still be stark white... so I went to $ Tree and got a few more and the line became darker. I called my RE and got my beta moved up one day. The numbers were high enough that I thought it might be twins (!) but there's just one. I am continuing with acupuncture, just like before (well pregnancy visits)

I have not been updating here - and that may seem odd since usually I would be posting all my beta numbers and such, and I wanted to... but.... I have been trying to decide what to do about this blog... it has been anonymous (except for two people IRL who know about it) and I really would like to start one that my family and friends can read. In the beginning of my infertility 'journey' I needed a place to log things, to vent and discuss things with people who know exactly what I was going through - and I still need that but I don't feel like I need the anonymity. Plus, while I am still infertile (can't get pregnant without IVF!) I don't think people who are searching out infertility blogs would be too interested in reading my blog at this point since it will be nothing but a pregnancy blog again (assuming this one sticks!)

I seriously don't think someone struggling with infertility is interested in hearing about my situation at this point - and I don't blame them!! So I think I will end this blog here very shortly... though I don't want to make this my very last post quite yet.

That's what is going on at this point. I plan to update after my next ultrasound and then hopefully know what I am doing about starting another blog....

IVF #2... Almost Beta Time...

Is this the least number of posts ever made for an IVF cycle?! I still can’t figure why I’m not writing more. This post was actually from yesterday, October 12... but I got too involved in watching the Ph.illies game last night and did not quite finish it, which is why I am posting it now. (what a game!!) Anyway, I did go ahead with egg retrieval and the embryo transfer – my beta is scheduled for Thursday, October 15. I’ll summarize what’s happened so far. I’ll be comparing this to my first IVF cycle because… we, I can’t help but compare the two!

This IVF cycle started out so much like my first one it was eerie! My follicles were a little on the slow side in the beginning, with my left ovary not producing as many as the right. This did not concern me since this is exactly what happened the first time – I remember how upset I was before with the follicles on my left side, but since everything worked out fine, I wasn’t bothered by this at all. In the end, I wound up with a few more total follicles than I did with IVF #1! I have all the sizes written down and I should post them because if I don’t, I know I will lose the pieces of paper they are written on and I won’t have a record of them. Anyway, my ER was on October 1, which meant I stimmed for one less day as opposed to IVF #1. I also went for acupuncture treatments during this cycle, just like last time.

ER went pretty much the same... I was again very lucky to have an egg-stremely (ha ha) easy retrieval. I felt ok the rest of the day and even went out to dinner that night. I wasn't nearly as bloated this time around... my pants still fit ;-) They retrieved 14 eggs, but the embryologist cold tell right away that one was a dud, so I had 13 good eggs. I had 12 eggs retrieved in IVF #1. I felt confident that I would again have a 5 day transfer... but this is where things started going a bit differently.

The next day, I found out that 7 eggs fertilized. I had ten last time. I wasn’t thrilled with the number being less than before, but certainly realized that 7 was still a good number. The next day, (Sat) the embryologist called… which was a bit awkward because I was out at a breakfast event, and had to run out when my phone vibrated. I knew people were probably thinking, “Oh… one of THOSE people who just have to answer their phone no matter where they are!” Anyway, the embryologist said that she wanted to do a 3 day transfer because while all 7 embies were still growing, they were not growing quite as fast as she would like to see, and she thought that they would definitely be able to choose the best embies by day 3. I went back to the breakfast event, trying not to show that I was upset. I tried to tell myself that it was stupid to be upset since the majority of IVF cycles are 3 day transfers!

So on Sunday, I went for my transfer. My acupuncturist came in and performed treatments before and after the transfer. My RE decided to transfer three embryos – one 8-cell with 10% fragmentation, one 8-cell with 20% fragmentation, and one 5-cell with 20% fragmentation. This was certainly different than the two grade A blasts from IVF #1! My RE is very conservative when it comes to trying to avoid triplet, and even twin, pregnancies, and he is well aware of my stance on reducing (I would not reduce) so I trusted his judgment in transferring more than two. I made sure that they would still freeze the other embryos, knowing that none would probably live long enough to freeze, since my RE freezes embies only once they are at the blast stage. (and I was correct...my other embryos didn't make it)

I went home and for about a day, started obsessively worrying about having triplets. This was completely irrational, I know… after all, I transferred two embies last time and only one made it… the chance of all three hanging on would be extremely unlikely. Here is where something went a differently than last time – because of my irrational thoughts about triplets (I know – I will be very lucky if the cycle works at all!) I decided to start POAS.

I did not POAS at all with #1 because seeing the negative tests would make me insane. However, I felt much differently this time – my beta with #1 was only 54, which means that nothing would probably show on an HPT before 12 or 13 days past egg retrieval, if implantation takes place in a similar time frame this time around. Plus, I have read many more stories now from people who had negative HPTs up until their beta. Seeing a negative HPT early on would actually make me feel better, because it would mean that I probably wasn’t having triplets!! See how insane I am? Anyway, I started testing on 4dp3dt or 7 days past ER. The test of course was stark white, which meant the HCG shot was out of my system, and I have continued to test every day since then, and each day I see a very, very negative test. As of 8dp3dt (11 days past ER), it was still negative, and I have no symptoms, other than some very mild ones that can easily be chalked up to the progesterone I'm taking. (No PIO shots this time though - horray!! No more butt shots! Just suppositories!) Usually, I would be freaking out....but I haven't because I remind myself that last time, I would not have received a positive HPT by then. Plus, I cannot be too upset if things do not work - I have been blessed with a child, and I KNOW how lucky I am, and how many people would give their right arm to be in my situation.

So that’s the summary of this cycle so far.....

What's this... an update? IVF #2!

Yes, I have totally neglected this blog since January. Yes, I haven't even read other infertility blogs since January! I plan on visiting some of my fellow IF bloggers later today, and see who is still around and what's been happening. I don't think anyone is actually going to read this since I stopped blogging for soooo long - I didn't feel comfortable blogging about other things here since people IRL don't know this blog exists (still!). I decided to start blogging again as a way of keeping a record of IVF #2...yes, it's that time again. I started injections Folli.stim and Men.apur on September 18! I really should have started writing a couple of months ago when I went for some initial tests (mock transfer and such), but I didn't.

This IVF cycle is a little surreal, because there wasn't months of "build up" like last time. Before, I was doing other treatments non-stop for 9 months prior to IVF #1. Now, it's sort of like "Ok, start injections - retrieval in about two weeks....". I am also much more relaxed because while I obviously will be very unhappy if this does not work... I did have one successful pregnancy and still feel so blessed from that, that I don't have the feeling of panic like the first time.

I actually did stop breastfeeding when my dear daughter was five months old, (started weaning when she was about four months) specifically because I needed to get a regular period back before I could even start the initial IVF tests. Thank goodness no one is probably going to read this because I'm sure many would comment on how awful it was to stop BF. Well, I had a choice - keep BF and wait longer for IVF #2, which would make it less likely for the procedure to work, or stop so I could try again before my eggs all shriveled up. My cycle didn't return for quite a few months, even after I stopped BF.

DH and I did try on our own for a couple of months, just for the heck of it. I even had Dr. M (my RE) check my follicle growth while I was in for the mock transfer to see when I would ovulate. Well, I did ovulate, but super late, and my luteal phase was shorter than ever! My short luteal phase is the only thing that they could ever find 'wrong' - my infertility is still unexplained. I know pro.gesterone would extend my luteal phase but it didn't seem as if anything had changed within my body and I really felt that trying 'on our own' would just be a waste of time.... so here we are again, at IVF #2.

We decided to go ahead with IVF #2 right away because of my age (38). I am actually thrilled with my one child and wouldn't be jumping right back in if it wasn't for the age factor.

It will be very interesting to see how this cycle compares to the first one. So far, it seems to be going pretty much the same... right ovary responding more so than the left and starting out a little slow. Looking back at my follicle sizes from last time though, I think I might actually have more than I did last time at this point. I'm not quite sure because I didn't start recording sizes from my last IVF until I had been taking injections for 11 days! I'm actually starting recording things earlier this time - it's only day 6! :)


Oh, and I know I need to really clean up my sidebar - dead links, old pg ticker.... etc...More later... (as anyone who reads this says "oh yeah - RIGHT! She'll post again in 5 months!!!")

Happy New Year!

So much for the 'I plan to keep posting on a regular basis' - a statement from my last post on November 8! I pretty much got completely sidetracked and have been totally absent from blogland. I just started poking around again and see that I have missed quite a lot. I'll say once again that I do plan to keep posting (as anyone who is still checks this blog starts laughing and thinks 'yeah right!')

In brief: I saw my RE this week. Yes - my RE... to discuss a possible IVF #2 this year. At the moment, I am totally happy with my precious little one, but realize that my time is limited, since I am almost 38, and if we want to try to have another child, we really don't have the luxury of waiting. I am still breastfeeding and plan to keep doing so until she is at least 6 months old - I cannot start any treatments until she is completely weaned. I know it may seem like we're rushing things... again, it's just because we have limited time. If I was younger, I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of IVF #2 at this point. Even now, I feel a little odd - like I am tempting fate or something. We were so lucky the first time around - I feel almost like I am being 'greedy', already thinking of starting treatments again this year.

Of course, maybe I'll just suddenly become pregnant without treatments. (hahahaha!)

Anyway, little C is doing great. I guess I should go into more details about her, but for now, I will actually, finally, post a picture. :-)

Also, regarding the comment I made at the end of my last post about the comment left by the anonymous poster - I discovered that I made a mistake and misunderstood the comment. The person contacted me and I found out that I actually know the person. I am sorry for jumping to conclusions.

So, here's a recent picture of little C. Not sure why I picked this picture - she smiles so much, I probably should post a picture of her smiling, but I thought she just looked really cute here.

Checking in....

Hey - I know it's been ages since I've posted! Time is really going by pretty fast and I wanted to at least check in and say that everything is going ok! (knock on wood) I plan to keep up with posting here on a more regular basis and will have a birth story up soon. I am also severly behind in reading other blogs, and will try and catch up this weekend.

Just a little update on what'e been going on - We are very fortunate to have what I believe is a very well-tempered baby. I know it's only been two weeks, and after the second week, I've heard/read that babies can become a lot fussier. I've already seen this happen - for example, yesterday she was awake almost all day and would start to fuss unless someone was holding her. But, holding her would calm her immediately, which I know doesn't always happen, so I certainly can't complain! Last night was a bit of a different story... she was changed and fed and wouldn't stop crying for over an hour, even while being held. I know an hour/1.5 hours is pretty much nothing - I'm well aware that babies will often cry for many hours, and nothing you do will console them. Once she gets to sleep, she only wakes one time in the night for feeding! So if I feed her at midnight (some times she has slept a bit before that) I wind up feeding her around 3:30am, then again around 6:30am. She then usually sleeps for a while after the 6:30am feeding. She does eat more frequently during the day, but with this current nighttime feeding schedule, I am actually getting some sleep!

Now that I have written the above, I know I am setting myself up for her being super fussy and up all night! ;-)

Speaking of feeding....TMI alert - this paragraph is about breastfeeding! I've been able to breastfeed ok, though I must say, so far, I'm not a huge fan of it. People always talk about it being a 'bonding' experience, but I feel like I am bonding more when I am just holding her. However, that being said, I am in no way considering NOT breastfeeding! It's extremely beneficial to breastfeed (I know not everyone is able to nurse for various reasons - I'm not saying that it's wrong to not breastfeed!) so if I am able to do it, I certainly will! To be completely honest, my complaints are all petty and selfish. When my milk first came in, I was in quite a bit of discomfort (pain!) And my chest is now a full size (maybe two) bigger, and still sort of sore. This wouldn't be so bad if the 'girls' hadn't become so much bigger during pregnancy - now with the additional size, I'm actually uncomfortable, and look like someone who just went nuts with breast implants. They love to leak too (at least I'm producing enough milk...) Right now I spend a lot of my day feeding or leaking - I hope the 'girls' get the memo soon that they don't need to produce quite so much milk!. Ce.cilia has been very good though - she will take a bottle (yes, I'm also pumping) and then will go right back to regular nursing without a problem (knock on wood again!) Now if it just didn't feel like someone is chomping on me when she first latches on - ow! She had a weight check earlier this week and was back up above her birth weight, after losing about 5 ounces (which is normal).

I'm pretty surprised at our little one's mobility. She lifts her head, rolls on her side and I swear she can crawl across my chest. Some times when I am holding on me with her on her tummy, she starts pushing herself across me! I know, I know, I am sure all of this is totally normal, and I just have the 'I'm a new parent and MY kid is just so awesome!' syndrome.

I am actually still working a bit - not at my regular job - I don't plan on returing to working outside of the home until some time in 2009 - but at my small home business, and this time of year it starts to get busier. This is making things a little more hectic, and so when I do have time to get on the computer, it's usually to do work, thus the lack of posting/reading recently.

And lastly - to the anonymous commenter (people who have negative comments just never have the guts to leave a name, do they?) regarding the post titled 'My Daughter'.... yes, I realize it should have said 'OUR Daughter'.... however, I was posting in a hurry AT THE HOSPITAL. Most people (unless they just want to find something to pick apart) would realize that I wasn't somehow leaving DH out of things, or acting like OUR beautiful newborn baby was somehow more mine than his. Would you now like to tell me how selfish I am for not being in love with the breastfeeding process?

Quick Update

Just a quick update, while I work on the whole birth story thing...We have people over watching the Eag.les game!

1. Ceci.lia weighed 6lbs, 7oz at birth and is 19 inches long.
   
2. Her apgar score was 9 and 9!
   
3. I can’t believe how much I want to hold her.
   
4. I was given pitocin to start labor, and was able to go without an epidural until they broke my water – after that, the pain was just too much! Labor lasted about 11 hours, but unbelievably, I only pushed for 20 min.
   
5. I’m feeling fine, just rather sore – I tore inside and have some stiches. Thank goodness she was tiny!
   
6. DH is being fantastic and extremely helpful.
   
7. I know my poor daughter is going to hear people sing that Simon and Garfunk.el song every time she tells people her name :)