Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My Protective Bubble

Meghan's recent post reminded me that I have, so far, been spared from stupid/insensitive pregnancy/infertility comments. DH and I didn't get a lot of annoying, needling questions or comments from those who knew we were undergoing treatments, and didn't hear 'So when are YOU having kids?' a lot from those who didn't. Some friends did ask casually here and there if kids were in our future, at which point we would just say 'yeah, we're trying' and once in a while, if they were close friends, we told them a little about our treatments. After that, they either didn't ask again or were just sympathetic. I have a friend who would jokingly ask me 'So, you knocked up yet?!' right after I got married, before I had any idea that my reproductive organs wanted to play a big joke on me. The last time she asked me this was in late spring 2007. I just said casually "oh, we're trying" and that was the last time she ever said that to me. It's almost as if I sent out some vibe that just let people know to keep their mouth shut. Maybe I didn't sound as 'casual' as I thought.

Perhaps I had some anti-moronic-infertility-comment bubble around me or something. Or maybe I was wearing this shirt and didn't realize it. The bubble was a good thing, because there were plenty of times when my hormone-pumped self probably wouldn't have reacted appropriately. (I guess there was the sponge comment, but that wasn't too bad) Now that I've essentially bragged about how lucky I am, I'm sure I'll be an idiotic comment magnet.

I often wonder if I've said stupid things in years past to people who trying to become pregnant, and didn't even realize it. I bet I did, though I can't think of anything specifically. I do remember hearing two co-workers talking - it must have been at least five or six years ago - about how they just did NOT understand people who had to 'try' to get pregnant. (I wasn't eavesdropping, they were talking almost right next to me) Both of these people - one male and one female - were, let's just say, quite fertile. I remember thinking to myself that not everyone was a baby-making machine, and didn't understand why they thought it was weird that not everyone got pregnant every single time they had unprotected sex - and that was then I thought that I myself might one day get pregnant from actual sex. (ha ha ha!)

If you have been the victim of stupid infertility/pregnancy comments, feel free to share them. Wait, no, do not share them, because I don't want any comments.

Anyway, I hope my bubble continues to stay in tact. As you can probably tell, I have nothing very interesting to report today. I would like to say I feel some kind of movement, but I think it's just gas. Actually, I'm sure it's just gas, or my stomach digesting the two bagels I scarfed down this morning (not my fault! there were free, fresh bagels in the conference room! how could I resist?)

18w4d. Only 16 days until my u/s... not that I'm counting or anything.


Ms. J said...

I have been giving that a lot of thought, too -- things I may have said in the past and inadvertantly hurt someone's feelings. Especially those of older co-workers (obviously past childbearing age, married a long time, and no kids).

I now no longer even ask people if they have kids at all -- I figure if they do it will come out in conversation.

I have been lucky to have two good female friends who are married and do NOT want kids, so I have had a kid-free conversation zone when I have needed it, too.

I issue a ginormous apology to anyone whom I ever hurt by my own stupid and unenlightened comments in the past!

Wordgirl said...

You know I don't know that I ever realized anything from other's either -- just the all-time-hated 'so what's up on the baby front' from friends WITH babies who conceived so naturally and easily they couldn't imagine it would *gasp* take time.

I, unfortunately, rather than approaching them with it -- just avoided them...and that has meant a few good friends.

I try to ignore most people (smiling -- not really...oh well, kind of)

Susan said...

hey! i betcha it was the baby saying "Yum, yum, thanks mommy for giving me a bagel of my own!" My nurse said yesterday that after I confirm what it feels like, when the baby is a lot more active, a light bulb will go off (on) and I'll realize i've been feeling it all along.

nancy said...

18w4d. My god, I can't even THINK of getting that far.

I've had some terrible comments. Try "You know, since you were on the pill, your first baby will probably die"

good lord.