Friday, May 9, 2008

Look! A Post!

First.....awesome news! Congratulations to Denise.. and Rebeccah... and Dr. Grumbles!

It's funny, but I just don't seem to be 'into' your standard pregnancy blogs and such. I am still more interested in reading infertility blogs, or 'p' updates from those who have had fertility issues. I don't seek out new IF blogs to read, but am much more interested in keeping up with the ones I have been following than seeking out pregnancy message boards and such. The only time I read your standard 'p' boards (I never post) is if I am looking up something and come across one in my search results. I'm not quite sure why, but I just don't connect with them. Again, I am very interested in reading the 'p' updates from IF blogs, so it's not that I don't want to read about other people's pregnancy experiences.

Maybe I would be the same way even if I wasn't infertile. Even in the early days, when I was merely charting my temps and keeping nice little graphs (I still have them), and plugging terms like 'symptoms 8dpo' into search engines (before I had to take progesterone which causes lovely early pregnancy symptoms, when you're not pregnant!) I could never get into all the 'baby dust' and such. I don't know, maybe if I had gotten knocked up the old-fashioned way, I'd be sprinkling baby dust all over the Internet, but I don't think so.

I really want to update this blog a lot more. (now that was a smooth transition, wasn't it?) No, really, I do. I compose posts in my head but for some reason have not been actually writing them down. I wonder sometimes if I am holding back because I am afraid I may get too involved in the whole blog thing. I say this because years ago, (here's where you actually get to know a little more about me!) I was VERY involved in writing commentary for web sites, including my own. It had nothing to do with infertility (I wasn't even dating DH yet) but instead revolved around... issues. Things that generated lots of 'You're awesome!' or 'I want you to DIE!' e-mails. I even got to be a commentator a few times on TV (you know, the kind where they have three or four people featured who get asked a few questions about certain issues). That was... wow, over 10 years ago! You'd never know by this bland blog, would you?! I haven't been involved in commentary writing for quite a while now - I just got burned out and became involved in other things. Anyway, if I do update more, it will probably still be the same, bland posts. I don't seek to make this place an area of heated debate ;-)

FYI: 'P' updates below.

Sooo... today I am 16w6d. (I'll just say 17 weeks!) No, I have not felt movement, and I don't expect to for quite a few weeks, since this is my first. I feel pretty good. Once in a while I will get a killer headache (had one last Saturday) and Ty.lenol dulls it only a tad. Years ago, I used to get headaches on a regular basis, and Ex.cedrin was my best friend. Ex.cedrin rules! However, I obviously can't take that (here Butters, want a nice dose of Asprin and caffeine?!) Not that I haven't had any caffeine. I have. I stopped all caffeine for most of the first trimester, and now limit myself to two cups of coffee a week...big cups of strong coffee. (Hey, if I only get two....) And I've had some chocolate (which I need like a third boob)
Showing? Depends. The belly has appeared, but can be disguised. (people at my office still do not know) It's not really a 'bump' - you know, those cute little ones in your lower abdomen? Nope - it just looks like I've gained weight all around my middle. I have not taken a 'belly shot' since week 12 so I think it's time again. (should I post them?)

[Again, there is a section I wrote then removed regarding weight. I have saved it and will use that in another post. Yes! There will be another post!]

Oh, I was asked if I craved any specific foods. Not really, though I have had an aversion to quesadillas pretty much since the beginning. This is very odd, because I loved quesadillas! We own a quesadilla maker! They now pretty much gross me out, which makes no sense because I still like cheese and chicken and bread. Why the combination is so unappealing to me now is pretty strange.

I wake up almost every single night to pee. Last night I got up twice. I didn't think that would happen this early, but oh well. Usually I can sleep through a massively full bladder! (TMI, I'm sure)

I have been able to keep my mind off of the 'what-if's', even though I am well aware that bad things can still happen at this stage of the game. I am trying to balance this awareness with telling myself that I have to just assume that things will be ok, and to not dwell on the tragic 'what-if's'. No amount of worrying will prepare me for something terrible. I'm not saying that I don't worry - I do, but I try not to.


Denise said...

Thanks Carrie! I'm so excited to be joining you on this side of the tracks!

I think I understand your aversion to standard pregnancy blogs. I think once you have been where we have been, it is difficult to join into the "outside" world that has no understanding of us.

Please post the belly shot...

Dr. Grumbles said...

Thanks for the mention! I don't go for the baby dust-y blogs, either. I like my cynical IF gang!

heather said...

I've had an aversion to animal protein through pretty much the whole pregnancy.
Just this week I've been finding it palatable again!
give me piles and piles of fruit and im happy
/heather (salt&pickles)

Rebecca said...

I haven't stopped "what-if-ing"'s too hard. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop and that's how we operate. I agree with you about the pregnancy sites...I don't even look at them b/c they just seem so fake. These people don't even know how lucky they are and they talk about "baby dust"...could you get any lamer?

Rebeccah said...

Thanks, Carrie! I can't believe I've made it this far! (holding breath, crossing fingers)

I'm a huge fan of belly shots, so feel free to share. One of my friends had her belly painted with henna a few weeks before she delivered, and it was really the most amazing photo!

Duck said...

Hey glad to see you bloging again. I miss reading these blogs, i follow you guys through the infertility, then when everyone gets pregnant it's like they are too afraid to put fingers to keys and write about the whole other side of a beta test.
Yes, i want to see a belly shot please!

Ms. J said...

I know what you mean about sticking with the infertility/loss blogs -- on my side of things I have tried googling adoption blogs, including China adoption ones. I have found a couple I like, but I am still drawn to the infertility/loss ones. I feel "invested" in these people, emotionally. I often wonder if, considering that my husband and I started an IVF cycle and then pulled out early when we got news of our adoption referral, if I don't belong on their blogs anymore. More to the point, I wonder if these women (esp. other posters who might check out my blog) think I don't belong, or should not comment?!

One other thing, regarding your comment on my recent blog entry about my one year anniversary of M/C # 3 . . . if it's someone like you, who understands the struggles of trying to conceive, I don't mind being asked "how far along were you?" 'cause I know you understand that even if it's an early loss, the fall seems so much greater because the pregnancy took so much effort to obtain in the first place. It's when the non-fertility challenged would ask me that I'd bristle -- because they would invariably follow up with something stupid like "oh, you were hardly pregnant," or "it wasn't meant to be" or "everything happens for a reason" -- statements like that are hurtful to ANY woman who has had a m/c, but esp. to one who has tried for so long to get pregnant, only to have it end tragically.

I hope that (and my long-wonded post) clears it up?! You, my dear, I would not be mad at for asking, cause I know you would hug me and mourn with me for my loss.


Livi said...

Keep up the good work.