This time last year....

It's strange what little things will remind you of infertility. A few minor things - like a t-shirt - from the past few days really reminded me of this time last year, when I first started seeing my RE. Last July, DH and I went to see a one of his favorite singer songwriters perform, and one of his songs contains the line, "My drinking days are over... but I'm still trouble bound." I purchased a t-shirt at the show that has the words "My drinking days are over.." on the front with a picture of a beer mug and on the back, the words "but I'm still trouble bound" with a tipped over beer mug. I joked to DH that this shirt would be funny to wear when I was pregnant later that summer. (hahahahaha! I was still so naive!) I didn't buy it specifically to wear when pregnant, but it was in the back of my mind, so I never wore the shirt because every time I looked at it, it would just remind me that I wasn't 'p' and I would get pissed off. The same performer was in the area last Thursday, and we went to see him again, and I finally wore my shirt. I know that seems pretty insignificant, but it was more symbolic than anything. I couldn't help but think back to the concert last year, when I was still somewhat hopeful that I would soon become pregnant, but still angry that I wasn't having any luck. Needless to say, I enjoyed the performance much more this time around.

On Saturday, DH and I went to see a concert in At.lantic C.ity with another couple. This performer usually plays a free outdoor concert three times a summer, (and we usually go all three times!) and we went to see him this very same weekend last summer...with the very same couple. That weekend last summer was the end of my first 'big' 2ww (first IUI) I was 12dpo and even though I had already POAS and had seen one of what would be many BFNs, I wasn't drinking because I could still be 'p', even though I was pretty sure I wasn't. Ok - I know this sounds like I'm some sort of alcoholic, between this and the 'Drinking days are over' shirt ;-) ... anyway, not having anything to drink wasn't a problem, it's just that I was already preoccupied with the 'first big 2ww' and it just was a reminder all evening, especially when my female friend asked if I wasn't drinking anything because I was 'p'. She had no idea that we were undergoing treatments, so I don't blame her for asking. I just said no, I wasn't. The next day I started spotting, as I eventually found out would always happen at 13dpo, even when taking progester.one. So there we all were, the same people at the same concert, one year later... I again kept telling DH how much happier I was than last year! As I stood there, I kept thinking back to last June's concert, (it was odd how vivid it was in my mind) and how damned lucky I am to be where I am right now. (23w2d)

I'll have some 'p' updates (and pics) in my next post.