Monday, February 11, 2008

My Title Creativity Got Lost Today

Obviously I can't think of a decent title for this entry.

Well, I finally received my beta number for today: 266.
Sooo....
9dp5dt - 54
12dp5dt - 266
Doubling time - 31.3 hours
[sigh of relief... for the moment]

I saw Dr. M. as I was going to get my blood drawn, and he smiled and said "I told you we'd get this!" I just went up to him, hugged him and said "Thank you." I think I surprised him a little.

I go back on Wednesday and Friday, so I can continue to obsess about beta numbers. My first u/s is scheduled for Feb 20, so once I'm done beta obsessing, I can obsess about the u/s.

It still feels weird to write about something besides follicle sizes or evil AF. I still almost can't believe it's real. [pinching self... *ow!*] DH of course is just thrilled and is fascinated by the darkening pee sticks each day. I bet if I told him a month or two ago that he would be gazing at little strips that I dipped in my pee, he would have thought I was nuts :)

That being said, I can't help but think of all the people in blog land who've received bad news in the past week or two. Even blogs I come across that I haven't read before seem to be laden with recent BFNs. Why can't these people get a break?

I feel strange that I am where I am right now while so many women who were cycling at the same time are having their hearts broken. This may sound odd, or as if I'm trying to get 'brownie points' (I'm not), but I feel almost guilty about posting, like I'm saying "Hey, sorry it didn't work for you, but hey, let me tell you about what's going on with ME." Now, no one has made me feel this way whatsoever. Quite the contrary, actually. And, when I was receiving BFNs every month, I didn't feel resentment towards those who had success - I was happy to read about BFPs. (I will admit that I would feel a little 'pang' in my gut and think "When will it be my turn?") So I'm not sure why I feel like I do.

I know what it feels like to have a failed cycle(s). It's awful, to say the least, and I hate that other people are experiencing those same feelings. To all who have received bad news recently... I am so sorry for your losses. It just isn't fair.

7 comments:

Duck said...

well, i have to move you off on my cycling list and on to the happy knocked up list! This is great news.

Egged Out said...

I, for one, am really truly happy for you and yes, I had bad news this month but the two are not related. If none of us ever got BFPs there would be no hope anywhere. So it's great to see them pop up and personally, I wish they popped up more frequently.

Great beta!

elizabeth said...

Please don't feel guilty...this is wonderful news! I'm happy for you. (And by the way, thanks for the advice you left for me.)

SaraS-P said...

Oh yes, you will obsess... and we'll all get to read all about it!

Yay on the betas!

Meghan said...

Yeah for those fantastic numbers!!

And I know exactly what you mean, I still feel that way sometimes.

Rebecca said...

That is great news! You're doubling like crazy!!! I had/have the guilt too, but a lot of people tell me that seeing positives gives them hope...if that's the least I can do - I guess it's enough. The guilt doesn't go away, but you tend to use it in different ways. Enjoy your doubling!

Rebeccah said...

Those are great numbers! I love celebrating post-IF pregnancies. For me, the jealousy doesn't apply to people who have struggled. It's the ones for whom pregnancy comes easy that trigger the green-eyed monster. Folks like you, I'm incredibly happy for, so please try to relax and enjoy!