Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Phantom Symptoms, Dreams and Whining.

This post is just me basically being a whiney brat. I have nothing of substance to offer.

Thank you for finally going away, phantom pregnancy symptoms, brought on by mean ol' progesteron.e.

I was going out of my mind the past two days. Today is 9dpiui... guess what I felt at 7dpiui? Mild headache, nausea and a lot of heaviness and cramping. Implantation? Most likely another cruel joke, courtesy of progesteron.e. I had the same thing last month. Oh, and I had heartburn and my face suddenly broke out too. These phantom symptoms just made it harder to NOT think about things. It's hard to not obsess when your body keeps saying 'Hey! This is what it might be like if you could actually get your eggs to cooperate - but you can't! HAHAHA!'

It gets better. Yesterday, 8dpiui, some more heaviness and cramping, though less intense, bad headache, heartburn, and the desire to cry every 10 seconds - mainly because I'm so sure this cycle is another bust. I actually started getting really pissed off - so much so that I started writing down my 'symptoms' on a piece of paper followed by a string of expletives. Now that's certainly mature and productive, isn't it?

Did I forget to mention the vivid dreams the past three nights? Of course I looked that up and found all these google entries about vivid dreams and pregnancy. Last night was the 'best' - the dream included me POAS and seeing two lines! I was excited! Then in my dream I thought 'Wait, maybe I made a mistake' and then I looked again and the lines were still there, then it's almost like I knew I was dreaming - in my dream - and that the lines weren't real. Lots of fun.

Thankfully, all phantom symptoms are gone today so I didn't have the 2ww on my mind the entire day.

Don't ask me why I am so sure this is another BFN month. Maybe it's to try and minimize the sting when AF shows up late in the day Sun. This is my second IUI w/injectables. I had two IUIs w/Clomid. There appears to be nothing wrong w/me or DH. What the hell? I hate no explanations. I freaking hate it. If I can't get pregnant I want to know WHY.

And if I see another ad for the damn "Knocked Up" DVD I'm going to break the TV.

Maybe I should sit down and relax with a glass of wine - oh wait, can't do that in case I'm pregnant. What a joke.

(and no, I'm not going to have a glass of wine, just in case)


Egged Out said...

Those sound like better phantom symptoms than I had with my bfn last week - I only had sore breasts and tiredness. Your symptoms sound good to me! Here's hoping this is your BFP cycle!

Hang in there!

SaraS-P said...

I too am thoroughly sick of the Knocked Up DVD ads.

I know that pessimism well, but I hope you get that BFP this time.

Meghan said...

I'm with you on the 'why'. The whole unexplained thing drives me crazy and I don't get how that can be a diagnosis.
Good luck these next few days, those phantom symptoms sound good!

Wordgirl said...

Oh Carrie,

What is with the Knocked Up heavy rotation-- I felt the same way -- just let me watch mindless TV damn it! Bastards.

I was sorry to read your latest post. This just sucks. May next month be better for us all -- (clinking imaginary beverages of choice).

Fertilize Me said...

Blogger won't let me leave a comment under the negative comment - but i am sorr you saw nothing ... I am all too familiar with those results