Friday, September 7, 2007

I might be irritating.

I know I'm a newbie.

As I obsessively read other IF blogs (which have really helped me maintain my sanity - and has anyone noticed that these blogs (this one not included!) are almost always witty and eloquently written?) I almost feel like I must come across as a real ignoramus, since I have so far been through nothing compared to most. I hope my ramblings here don't come across like a whiney brat who is complaining because hasn't gotten her way immediately. Do I sound like that? If I do, please let me know - while I won't particularly enjoy hearing that, I would rather be told than to continue to write posts that irritate anyone who may stumble across this.

I mean, I'm screaming about paying for medication - how many have read that and thought 'Oh boy, you're yelling about that? Haven't you heard about IVF?' I posted earlier that I've never seen a BFP - I'm sure some might think 'Yeah, would you rather have that and then miscarry? Then you'll have something to complain about!'

I know I have things to be thankful for - but I am still scared, worried, apprehensive... terrified...
I was beside myself the day I started this blog - started it shortly after I knew the last cycle was a bust. I felt, and still feel like there is something wrong with me - just wrong wrong wrong. If I start thinking about it I start to get teary eyed (very embarrassing when you're at the gym - I'm sure people wonder what the hell I could be crying about on a elliptical machine)

Well, as I was writing the above, the RE's office called.... change in procedure. I guess my bloodwork came back with some interesting results. Not sure what, the nurse did not say, but I am guessing at least creeping LH levels. instead of taking 115 gona.l f tonight and tomorrow and skipping Sunday, I am supposed to skip tonight, then take 100 tomorrow morning, then 75 on Sunday. I also need to take the ganarelli.x. I'll be interested to see what's going on with the marching follies on Monday.

1 comment:

Egged Out said...

Just write how you feel - everyone was a newbie at one point and hoped that their foray into IFLand would be brief and have a happy ending. The first time I gave myself a trigger shot (during a cycle) I thought I was a hero. I don't even like swallowing pills and I gave myself a shot. Well, 9 months later, I just finished a week of giving myself 3 shots daily. The me of 9 months ago never could have anticipated the me of today who casually gives herself shots in the kitchen while talking to my husband about his day. It's a journey. I hope you have success this cycle and never have to write about trying to pay for ivf. Good luck.