Belly and Boobs

FYI: This post is all 'p' updates.

I rented a doppler, which arrived on Thursday. I was originally going to order one back around week 12, then decided not to, for fear that I would drive myself nuts. Last week I decided to go ahead and get one - I still have little fears of something going wrong in the back of my mind, and they sort of resurfaced last Friday, so after reading Nancy's post about her doppler, I impulsively went ahead and rented the same one. I think I'll enjoy checking in on Butters, especially if I wind up feeling kicks and then don't for a while... I can always reassure myself with the doppler. Silly perhaps, (the infertile never truly relax) but worth it for 85 cents a day. We were able to find the HB (about 133bpm) with no problem. So far I always find it to the right of my soon-to-be-protruding belly button.

Symptoms: Leg cramps! I often wake up in the night with a leg cramp, which can usually be alleviated by just stretching out my calf and foot. One time I did actually have to get up and walk around to get rid of it, and just last evening, I woke up and the cramp was in my shin! Never had a muscle cramp in my shin before... it was actually more painful than a regular calf/foot cramp, but it didn't last long. I didn't realize that this was a common occurence until I looked up 'leg cramps' and 'pregnancy.'

I have also been congested for many weeks now, and have just gotten used to the constant stuffy nose. My SIL said she had the same thing happen and it eventually started to ease up, so we'll see. I also have a slight ringing in my left ear which comes and goes... I wonder if it's related to the congestion?

Movement: I still feel little belly 'pulses', but they're still pretty random, and have increased in intensity just a bit, even though I think my belly grew more in the past week than ever before! My MIL stopped by this past weekend, and said "Wow!! You've really grown in the last week!" The funny thing is, when I was out on Saturday, my friend mentioned that I really didn't have a belly yet. It must have just been the shirt I was wearing because I absolutely have a beach ball in my middle now. :-)

Warning! If you don't want to hear about my boobs, stop reading now! I like my expanding belly - the boobs are another story. They have started to expand again too (no no no! stop!!!) Prior to fertility treatments, I was a 32.D.... and was a VERY full 34.D (meaning that many 34.Ds were still too small ... actually, more like a 32.DD, but try and find that size easily) by the middle of the first trimester. Anyway, I was sitting at work yesterday, literally jammed into a 34.D minimizer, with stuff peeking out the bottom and sides - you couldn't tell in my clothes, but it was pretty ridiculous... so at lunch I went to the Kh.ols and bought two 34.DD (arrrghhh) bras. Luckily, Kh.ols carries one of my favorite types - Ba.li Minimizers - on sale too!

Belly shots: Ok, I'm a big fat liar - no pictures are included with this post, as I had promised. I have them but, I decided to create a page where I will update with all of the various pictures, and link to that. I just haven't finished doing that yet. I'm including a 'before fertility treatments' picture too.

Today I'm 23w6d... I'll just say 24 weeks. 24 weeks is another one of my little milestones, since that's when the baby is considered viable... not that I am expecting to go into labor anytime soon (not for another 14-16 weeks please!) but it's just another one of those little things I've been thinking about.

This time last year....

It's strange what little things will remind you of infertility. A few minor things - like a t-shirt - from the past few days really reminded me of this time last year, when I first started seeing my RE. Last July, DH and I went to see a one of his favorite singer songwriters perform, and one of his songs contains the line, "My drinking days are over... but I'm still trouble bound." I purchased a t-shirt at the show that has the words "My drinking days are over.." on the front with a picture of a beer mug and on the back, the words "but I'm still trouble bound" with a tipped over beer mug. I joked to DH that this shirt would be funny to wear when I was pregnant later that summer. (hahahahaha! I was still so naive!) I didn't buy it specifically to wear when pregnant, but it was in the back of my mind, so I never wore the shirt because every time I looked at it, it would just remind me that I wasn't 'p' and I would get pissed off. The same performer was in the area last Thursday, and we went to see him again, and I finally wore my shirt. I know that seems pretty insignificant, but it was more symbolic than anything. I couldn't help but think back to the concert last year, when I was still somewhat hopeful that I would soon become pregnant, but still angry that I wasn't having any luck. Needless to say, I enjoyed the performance much more this time around.

On Saturday, DH and I went to see a concert in At.lantic C.ity with another couple. This performer usually plays a free outdoor concert three times a summer, (and we usually go all three times!) and we went to see him this very same weekend last summer...with the very same couple. That weekend last summer was the end of my first 'big' 2ww (first IUI) I was 12dpo and even though I had already POAS and had seen one of what would be many BFNs, I wasn't drinking because I could still be 'p', even though I was pretty sure I wasn't. Ok - I know this sounds like I'm some sort of alcoholic, between this and the 'Drinking days are over' shirt ;-) ... anyway, not having anything to drink wasn't a problem, it's just that I was already preoccupied with the 'first big 2ww' and it just was a reminder all evening, especially when my female friend asked if I wasn't drinking anything because I was 'p'. She had no idea that we were undergoing treatments, so I don't blame her for asking. I just said no, I wasn't. The next day I started spotting, as I eventually found out would always happen at 13dpo, even when taking progester.one. So there we all were, the same people at the same concert, one year later... I again kept telling DH how much happier I was than last year! As I stood there, I kept thinking back to last June's concert, (it was odd how vivid it was in my mind) and how damned lucky I am to be where I am right now. (23w2d)

I'll have some 'p' updates (and pics) in my next post.

No. No. NO!!

My heart goes out to Rebeccah who has received horrible news. Please stop by and offer your support.

And people wonder why we can't relax, even after seeing a heartbeat....

Whoops!

Ack! I did it again! I've gotten away from my blog and am totally behind in reading other blogs! It's catch up time. I'm not sure what happened - the days just seem to be flying by and suddenly, I realize it's been almost two weeks since I have posted and have barely read any other blogs.

Everything is fine here - we had my SIL's "big fat baby shower" this weekend - about 80 people! She's due 14 weeks before me so she's almost ready to go! For the record, I have already made it clear to everyone that I do not want a shower - period. There are a variety of reasons for this, and it isn't because I think a shower will 'jinx' anything - I didn't want a bridal shower either. I hope to post more details on this stuff later (plus I need to respond to my tagging!) but for now, I need/want to catch up on some blog reading!

The BIG Ultrasound

Sorry for the delay in posting an update. I didn't get back to the office until 10am, which was later than expected, and had a one-on-one meeting with our program manager (!) shortly after I arrived. Now I'm nervous because I think I am going to be responsible for heading up a lot more automated script writing which involves a lot of programming that... well, let's just say I'm not a programmer! Ack! Then I had a short meeting with my direct manager (yes, I actually do work - since I often post during the day, it may seem like I don't do anything) So anyway....

In a nutshell: It's a healthy.................................



baby!!! Everything is 'perfect', according to the doctor!!

The ultrasound tech first showed me the u/s screen, then started taking measurements and had to turn the screen away, so DH got to watch Butters in detail and I couldn't see for a while! (wah!) I knew the tech couldn't say much to me but I did ask if everything was looking ok and she said yes. After a while, when she was done taking all the measurements and such, she turned the screen back so I could see. Butters was being a little uncooperative with his/her head tucked down so the tech was having trouble getting a face view. We could see the spine perfectly - hands, legs, feet, but Butters wasn't eager to show us his/her full face. The tech did try to get a good 3-D image but it wasn't coming out well because of the position. She tried and tried for quite a while, hoping to get us a better shot, but couldn't, which was ok - I was just happy that everything seemed fine! I knew I wouldn't get the 'official' word until I spoke with the doctor, but I figured the tech wouldn't have spent so much time fiddling around with pictures if there was a problem.

So after the u/s was done, we just waited to speak to the doctor. She came in and said, "Well, everything looks fine - just perfect!" What wonderful words! Butters is 13 ounces and measuring on target, just shy of 21 weeks. She measured my belly, and said my uterus was right on target too. Is this really possible? Everything is just normal?! *huge sigh of relief* And that was it!

I forgot to mention that when we first got there, I told the tech we didn't want to know the gender yet, but could she note it in my file? She hesitated and said that if we didn't want to know she usually then did not enter it into the information she was collecting. I said, "Then this would be the only time we would be able to find out, since I probably won't have another ultrasound?" and looked at DH with big puppy dog eyes, like, "pllleeeaaseee can we find out?" There was another assistant in the room who said I would have one at 32 weeks (cool!) but that sometimes it's hard to tell at that point. DH looked at me with HIS big puppy dog eyes and said "Well... we really did say we would wait...maybe we can still find out at 32 weeks?" So, being the wonderful wife that I am, (ha ha) I told the tech not to tell us, since honestly, I know it means more to DH to NOT find out (I still don't get it, but whatever...) than it means for me to find out. I would like to know but if I don't, it isn't that big of a deal. Trust me, if I felt like I couldn't stand not knowing, I would have put my big size 9.5 foot down and found out. I just told DH that he would be responsible for running out and buying pink or blue stuff at the last minute!

Now it's time to go back to work here. Finally, another step completed towards achieving a RLB (real live baby) Keeping going Butters, keep going!

Tomorrow's Ultrasound

I don't have much to say because I'm just preoccupied, thinking about tomorrow's u/s.

Most people would just be excited, which I am, but I am also nervous. I just hope everything is fine. I have no reason to believe otherwise ... but I know about the tragic conditions that can be discovered during this particular ultrasound. I of course, do not vocalize these thoughts to people IRL, except to say to DH that I am nervous and hope everything is fine. If I mentioned how I felt to anyone, I would probably just be told that I'm too pessimistic, that I need to stop being so negative, blah blah blah. It's not that I'm walking around, worrying 24-7 or anything like that, but these thoughts are still in my mind.

Maybe I just can't believe that I could actually have a normal, uneventful pregnancy?Again, if I mentioned this to people IRL, they would think I was nuts, since I have no reason to think that I wouldn't have a 'regular' pregnancy. Of course, I had no reason to think that I wold have trouble getting pregnant in the first place either...

I also feel guilty because I'm somewhat preoccupied with my weight, which is something I shouldn't be concerned with at the moment, considering the importance of thomorrow's ultrasound. (I think I've gained about 4 or 5 pounds in the last 3.5 weeks - not good - especially since I have increased my exercise - gotta love that.)

However, I am still excited about tomorrow. I'm sure I'll drive the tech crazy, asking if everything looks ok every 20 seconds. 'How is everything? Everything look normal? Do you see any problems? Is everything fine?!' We won't be finding out Butter's gender tomorrow (even though I would love to) because I agreed to wait at least until my SIL delivers in mid-July as a compromise, since DH does not want to know ahead of time. Maybe the u/s tech will slip up and mention the gender... hee hee.

I'll update again after my appointment tomorrow morning.

Was that an elbow or a foot?

FYI: This short post is about 'p' stuff.

Guess what I think I felt last night? I believe Butters was kicking or elbowing me... or something.

I was sitting on the couch a couple of hours after dinner. I just had some decaf coffee, and I felt something below my belly button. You know how sometimes you can feel your heartbeat in other places in your body? I know that sounds weird... but that's sort of what it felt like - like a heartbeat in my belly. Just one, then another, then it stopped. I thought it was gas or digestion, but then realized I had not felt that particular sensation before, so I lay back, pulled up my shirt, put the TV remote on my stomach right below my belly button, (an idea I got from The Sarcastic Journalist at baby-gaga.com) and waited. I then felt the same sensation again and when I did, the remote bounced!!

It happened a few times, so I yelled to DH to come over. The movement of course stopped as soon as DH arrived (c'mon Butters... don't be shy...show off for Daddy!) After DH walked away it happened one or two more times, (of course!) then I didn't feel it again.

So, I either have an incredibly active digestive system, or I think I finally felt my first movement. It didn't feel like "butterflies" at all, it was more like a pulse. Pretty cool. Haven't had any such sensations since then, but I realize I won't feel things on a regular basis since it is still early. (I'm 20w3d today) Of course, I'm going to try and repeat the same steps this evening for fun....eat dinner, wait a bit, have some coffee, sit on the couch, and hope I get to feel the 'belly pulse' again.

Less than 72 hours until my ultrasound, though I'm not counting hours or anything. (yeah, right!)