Checking In

Almost forgot I had this blog here! Kids are now 4, 6, and 8. Time flies.

It's 2015

Just want to make sure this blog isn't deleted. My surprise #3 child just turned 3 years old.

If you are reading this for the first time, please be aware that many of the links on the side are outdated... I need to update that, and many other areas of my obviously neglected blog.

Hello! Not quite sure why I never came back here to at least update....over 2 years later and here I am. I decided to come back because today is the 2 year anniversary of when my 3rd child was miraculously conceived without IVF.

I last left off with the betas...well, everything went fine and I gave birth to a lovely baby girl about 16 months ago (she was one month early)

I want to leave this blog here...but I am not sure what to do. I thought I would at least update. I don't want it being deleted since it's the only place where I have a lot of details about my infertility journey.

Betas

I am writing this more for myself than anyone else, since no one reads this abandoned blog ;) It's any easy way for me to keep track of what is going on. I should have done that here with preg. #2. Oh well.

Beta #1: 57
Beta #2: 167

Had beta #3 today but probably won't get the results until Monday. I actually had some minor bleeding and cramps which would have completely destroyed me had this happened with preg. #1 or #2 (especially #1) but I have read so much at this point regarding fertility, preg. symptoms and such that I know this type of bleeding and cramping (which has totally stopped) can span the spectrum from the worst case scenario (miscarriage or ectopic) to absolutely nothing (some extra blood and my uterus stretching/gas). It was so weird that those two things did not phase me, but then this whole situation is still rather surreal to me.

Ultrasound scheduled for November 21.

Uh....#3?

Obviously, I have not been updating this. I may start to update again to keep track of....

pregnancy #3.

Yes.

No, not IVF #3.

No IVF, no anything.

One of THOSE... you know, people tell you to stop trying, and it will 'happen'? Problem is, even when you stop trying, if you still want to get pregnant, no matter what, in the back of you mind, you're trying! So there I was, not thinking about pregnancy, let alone ovulation....

5 IUI's, and additional months with just meds... and nothing worked except IVF. In addition, my luteal phase was too short to let an embryo stick unless I used progesterone.

Anyway, it's still super early. I was only about 1 day late (and not even that since my cycles can vary by a few days) but my chest exploded and was sore, so I bought a test yesterday just to ease my mind and prove to myself that, hello, silly woman, you can't get pregnant!

Two lines. The line is darker today.

I called my RE and he said he would follow me, so I had bloodwork done today. No results yet.

I'm writing this because I really don't know what to do, if that makes any sense.

What the *&^%$$%&*

A year ago tomorrow.....

Hi again! The disappearing blog owner has stopped on by, since tomorrow is her son's birthday! Yes, on June 3, 2010 I gave birth to a little boy.... over 3 weeks early! To make a long story VERY short, I was basically walking around all day in labor. I was having contractions but they weren't bad and even the doctor said it could just be my uterus 'practicing.' Well, let's just say that around 9:00pm the contractions started getting painful enough that I thought maybe we had better go to the hospital. I decided to clean up to go, but before I could... the pain suddenly became so unbearable that I could not walk. Around 9:45pm we called 911 since I could not get down the stairs....

Our son was born at 10:21pm :) Yep, I experienced 100% natural childbirth (OOOWWW!!) And we did make it to the hospital... barely. They moved me from the stretcher to the hospital bed, started to put monitors and such on me, (as I pleaded for pain relief...) and they said "Oh, the head's right there - there's no time for an epidural - go - push!" I was like "Right now?" "YES! Now!" Pushed twice, and ta da!! I was actually on my side, with most of my clothes still on.

I had better just post this before I save it, walk away and don't come back until 2012 ;)

Still Alive and Kicking

I decided to sign in and post so my blog wasn't deleted for inactivity! I never did start a new blog and obviously have not updated this one. I should post things just to at least keep a record for myself as to what is going on - anyway, I am still pregnant, am due in about 6 weeks. My amniotic fluid is on the low side so I have to go to the doctor every week and drink a ton of water. I was also told recently not to exercise to see if that brings the fluid level up a bit. If the level drops more they said I could be put on bed rest which is NOT a good thing since we are in the process of moving and am taking care of a toddler!!

This pregnancy is in many ways similar to my first one. I am carrying very much the the same way, though I feel a lot more pressure lower down, and have for a few months, probably due to everything being stretched from the first time. Heartburn is worse this time, but I didn't become congested for months.

Now I need to find out why I can't get into my e-mail account that is associated with this blog - hotmail probably deleted it.
(was able to just reactivate it)

And gee, look... spammers have been posting comments. I guess I can't allow anonymous comments now. Do spammers REALLY think that these posts will get people to click on their links?!

IVF#2... We've got one bean....

A few things....
At this point, IVF #2 worked... had one ultrasound last week and there is one little sac. I have one this Friday and hope to see a heartbeat. I actually POAS after writing my last post and it looked negative... then I went back later and saw the *faintest* line... which NEVER happened to me. I could look at tests 8 hours later and it would still be stark white... so I went to $ Tree and got a few more and the line became darker. I called my RE and got my beta moved up one day. The numbers were high enough that I thought it might be twins (!) but there's just one. I am continuing with acupuncture, just like before (well pregnancy visits)

I have not been updating here - and that may seem odd since usually I would be posting all my beta numbers and such, and I wanted to... but.... I have been trying to decide what to do about this blog... it has been anonymous (except for two people IRL who know about it) and I really would like to start one that my family and friends can read. In the beginning of my infertility 'journey' I needed a place to log things, to vent and discuss things with people who know exactly what I was going through - and I still need that but I don't feel like I need the anonymity. Plus, while I am still infertile (can't get pregnant without IVF!) I don't think people who are searching out infertility blogs would be too interested in reading my blog at this point since it will be nothing but a pregnancy blog again (assuming this one sticks!)

I seriously don't think someone struggling with infertility is interested in hearing about my situation at this point - and I don't blame them!! So I think I will end this blog here very shortly... though I don't want to make this my very last post quite yet.

That's what is going on at this point. I plan to update after my next ultrasound and then hopefully know what I am doing about starting another blog....

IVF #2... Almost Beta Time...

Is this the least number of posts ever made for an IVF cycle?! I still can’t figure why I’m not writing more. This post was actually from yesterday, October 12... but I got too involved in watching the Ph.illies game last night and did not quite finish it, which is why I am posting it now. (what a game!!) Anyway, I did go ahead with egg retrieval and the embryo transfer – my beta is scheduled for Thursday, October 15. I’ll summarize what’s happened so far. I’ll be comparing this to my first IVF cycle because… we, I can’t help but compare the two!

This IVF cycle started out so much like my first one it was eerie! My follicles were a little on the slow side in the beginning, with my left ovary not producing as many as the right. This did not concern me since this is exactly what happened the first time – I remember how upset I was before with the follicles on my left side, but since everything worked out fine, I wasn’t bothered by this at all. In the end, I wound up with a few more total follicles than I did with IVF #1! I have all the sizes written down and I should post them because if I don’t, I know I will lose the pieces of paper they are written on and I won’t have a record of them. Anyway, my ER was on October 1, which meant I stimmed for one less day as opposed to IVF #1. I also went for acupuncture treatments during this cycle, just like last time.

ER went pretty much the same... I was again very lucky to have an egg-stremely (ha ha) easy retrieval. I felt ok the rest of the day and even went out to dinner that night. I wasn't nearly as bloated this time around... my pants still fit ;-) They retrieved 14 eggs, but the embryologist cold tell right away that one was a dud, so I had 13 good eggs. I had 12 eggs retrieved in IVF #1. I felt confident that I would again have a 5 day transfer... but this is where things started going a bit differently.

The next day, I found out that 7 eggs fertilized. I had ten last time. I wasn’t thrilled with the number being less than before, but certainly realized that 7 was still a good number. The next day, (Sat) the embryologist called… which was a bit awkward because I was out at a breakfast event, and had to run out when my phone vibrated. I knew people were probably thinking, “Oh… one of THOSE people who just have to answer their phone no matter where they are!” Anyway, the embryologist said that she wanted to do a 3 day transfer because while all 7 embies were still growing, they were not growing quite as fast as she would like to see, and she thought that they would definitely be able to choose the best embies by day 3. I went back to the breakfast event, trying not to show that I was upset. I tried to tell myself that it was stupid to be upset since the majority of IVF cycles are 3 day transfers!

So on Sunday, I went for my transfer. My acupuncturist came in and performed treatments before and after the transfer. My RE decided to transfer three embryos – one 8-cell with 10% fragmentation, one 8-cell with 20% fragmentation, and one 5-cell with 20% fragmentation. This was certainly different than the two grade A blasts from IVF #1! My RE is very conservative when it comes to trying to avoid triplet, and even twin, pregnancies, and he is well aware of my stance on reducing (I would not reduce) so I trusted his judgment in transferring more than two. I made sure that they would still freeze the other embryos, knowing that none would probably live long enough to freeze, since my RE freezes embies only once they are at the blast stage. (and I was correct...my other embryos didn't make it)

I went home and for about a day, started obsessively worrying about having triplets. This was completely irrational, I know… after all, I transferred two embies last time and only one made it… the chance of all three hanging on would be extremely unlikely. Here is where something went a differently than last time – because of my irrational thoughts about triplets (I know – I will be very lucky if the cycle works at all!) I decided to start POAS.

I did not POAS at all with #1 because seeing the negative tests would make me insane. However, I felt much differently this time – my beta with #1 was only 54, which means that nothing would probably show on an HPT before 12 or 13 days past egg retrieval, if implantation takes place in a similar time frame this time around. Plus, I have read many more stories now from people who had negative HPTs up until their beta. Seeing a negative HPT early on would actually make me feel better, because it would mean that I probably wasn’t having triplets!! See how insane I am? Anyway, I started testing on 4dp3dt or 7 days past ER. The test of course was stark white, which meant the HCG shot was out of my system, and I have continued to test every day since then, and each day I see a very, very negative test. As of 8dp3dt (11 days past ER), it was still negative, and I have no symptoms, other than some very mild ones that can easily be chalked up to the progesterone I'm taking. (No PIO shots this time though - horray!! No more butt shots! Just suppositories!) Usually, I would be freaking out....but I haven't because I remind myself that last time, I would not have received a positive HPT by then. Plus, I cannot be too upset if things do not work - I have been blessed with a child, and I KNOW how lucky I am, and how many people would give their right arm to be in my situation.

So that’s the summary of this cycle so far.....

What's this... an update? IVF #2!

Yes, I have totally neglected this blog since January. Yes, I haven't even read other infertility blogs since January! I plan on visiting some of my fellow IF bloggers later today, and see who is still around and what's been happening. I don't think anyone is actually going to read this since I stopped blogging for soooo long - I didn't feel comfortable blogging about other things here since people IRL don't know this blog exists (still!). I decided to start blogging again as a way of keeping a record of IVF #2...yes, it's that time again. I started injections Folli.stim and Men.apur on September 18! I really should have started writing a couple of months ago when I went for some initial tests (mock transfer and such), but I didn't.

This IVF cycle is a little surreal, because there wasn't months of "build up" like last time. Before, I was doing other treatments non-stop for 9 months prior to IVF #1. Now, it's sort of like "Ok, start injections - retrieval in about two weeks....". I am also much more relaxed because while I obviously will be very unhappy if this does not work... I did have one successful pregnancy and still feel so blessed from that, that I don't have the feeling of panic like the first time.

I actually did stop breastfeeding when my dear daughter was five months old, (started weaning when she was about four months) specifically because I needed to get a regular period back before I could even start the initial IVF tests. Thank goodness no one is probably going to read this because I'm sure many would comment on how awful it was to stop BF. Well, I had a choice - keep BF and wait longer for IVF #2, which would make it less likely for the procedure to work, or stop so I could try again before my eggs all shriveled up. My cycle didn't return for quite a few months, even after I stopped BF.

DH and I did try on our own for a couple of months, just for the heck of it. I even had Dr. M (my RE) check my follicle growth while I was in for the mock transfer to see when I would ovulate. Well, I did ovulate, but super late, and my luteal phase was shorter than ever! My short luteal phase is the only thing that they could ever find 'wrong' - my infertility is still unexplained. I know pro.gesterone would extend my luteal phase but it didn't seem as if anything had changed within my body and I really felt that trying 'on our own' would just be a waste of time.... so here we are again, at IVF #2.

We decided to go ahead with IVF #2 right away because of my age (38). I am actually thrilled with my one child and wouldn't be jumping right back in if it wasn't for the age factor.

It will be very interesting to see how this cycle compares to the first one. So far, it seems to be going pretty much the same... right ovary responding more so than the left and starting out a little slow. Looking back at my follicle sizes from last time though, I think I might actually have more than I did last time at this point. I'm not quite sure because I didn't start recording sizes from my last IVF until I had been taking injections for 11 days! I'm actually starting recording things earlier this time - it's only day 6! :)


Oh, and I know I need to really clean up my sidebar - dead links, old pg ticker.... etc...More later... (as anyone who reads this says "oh yeah - RIGHT! She'll post again in 5 months!!!")

Happy New Year!

So much for the 'I plan to keep posting on a regular basis' - a statement from my last post on November 8! I pretty much got completely sidetracked and have been totally absent from blogland. I just started poking around again and see that I have missed quite a lot. I'll say once again that I do plan to keep posting (as anyone who is still checks this blog starts laughing and thinks 'yeah right!')

In brief: I saw my RE this week. Yes - my RE... to discuss a possible IVF #2 this year. At the moment, I am totally happy with my precious little one, but realize that my time is limited, since I am almost 38, and if we want to try to have another child, we really don't have the luxury of waiting. I am still breastfeeding and plan to keep doing so until she is at least 6 months old - I cannot start any treatments until she is completely weaned. I know it may seem like we're rushing things... again, it's just because we have limited time. If I was younger, I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of IVF #2 at this point. Even now, I feel a little odd - like I am tempting fate or something. We were so lucky the first time around - I feel almost like I am being 'greedy', already thinking of starting treatments again this year.

Of course, maybe I'll just suddenly become pregnant without treatments. (hahahaha!)

Anyway, little C is doing great. I guess I should go into more details about her, but for now, I will actually, finally, post a picture. :-)

Also, regarding the comment I made at the end of my last post about the comment left by the anonymous poster - I discovered that I made a mistake and misunderstood the comment. The person contacted me and I found out that I actually know the person. I am sorry for jumping to conclusions.

So, here's a recent picture of little C. Not sure why I picked this picture - she smiles so much, I probably should post a picture of her smiling, but I thought she just looked really cute here.

Checking in....

Hey - I know it's been ages since I've posted! Time is really going by pretty fast and I wanted to at least check in and say that everything is going ok! (knock on wood) I plan to keep up with posting here on a more regular basis and will have a birth story up soon. I am also severly behind in reading other blogs, and will try and catch up this weekend.

Just a little update on what'e been going on - We are very fortunate to have what I believe is a very well-tempered baby. I know it's only been two weeks, and after the second week, I've heard/read that babies can become a lot fussier. I've already seen this happen - for example, yesterday she was awake almost all day and would start to fuss unless someone was holding her. But, holding her would calm her immediately, which I know doesn't always happen, so I certainly can't complain! Last night was a bit of a different story... she was changed and fed and wouldn't stop crying for over an hour, even while being held. I know an hour/1.5 hours is pretty much nothing - I'm well aware that babies will often cry for many hours, and nothing you do will console them. Once she gets to sleep, she only wakes one time in the night for feeding! So if I feed her at midnight (some times she has slept a bit before that) I wind up feeding her around 3:30am, then again around 6:30am. She then usually sleeps for a while after the 6:30am feeding. She does eat more frequently during the day, but with this current nighttime feeding schedule, I am actually getting some sleep!

Now that I have written the above, I know I am setting myself up for her being super fussy and up all night! ;-)

Speaking of feeding....TMI alert - this paragraph is about breastfeeding! I've been able to breastfeed ok, though I must say, so far, I'm not a huge fan of it. People always talk about it being a 'bonding' experience, but I feel like I am bonding more when I am just holding her. However, that being said, I am in no way considering NOT breastfeeding! It's extremely beneficial to breastfeed (I know not everyone is able to nurse for various reasons - I'm not saying that it's wrong to not breastfeed!) so if I am able to do it, I certainly will! To be completely honest, my complaints are all petty and selfish. When my milk first came in, I was in quite a bit of discomfort (pain!) And my chest is now a full size (maybe two) bigger, and still sort of sore. This wouldn't be so bad if the 'girls' hadn't become so much bigger during pregnancy - now with the additional size, I'm actually uncomfortable, and look like someone who just went nuts with breast implants. They love to leak too (at least I'm producing enough milk...) Right now I spend a lot of my day feeding or leaking - I hope the 'girls' get the memo soon that they don't need to produce quite so much milk!. Ce.cilia has been very good though - she will take a bottle (yes, I'm also pumping) and then will go right back to regular nursing without a problem (knock on wood again!) Now if it just didn't feel like someone is chomping on me when she first latches on - ow! She had a weight check earlier this week and was back up above her birth weight, after losing about 5 ounces (which is normal).

I'm pretty surprised at our little one's mobility. She lifts her head, rolls on her side and I swear she can crawl across my chest. Some times when I am holding on me with her on her tummy, she starts pushing herself across me! I know, I know, I am sure all of this is totally normal, and I just have the 'I'm a new parent and MY kid is just so awesome!' syndrome.

I am actually still working a bit - not at my regular job - I don't plan on returing to working outside of the home until some time in 2009 - but at my small home business, and this time of year it starts to get busier. This is making things a little more hectic, and so when I do have time to get on the computer, it's usually to do work, thus the lack of posting/reading recently.

And lastly - to the anonymous commenter (people who have negative comments just never have the guts to leave a name, do they?) regarding the post titled 'My Daughter'.... yes, I realize it should have said 'OUR Daughter'.... however, I was posting in a hurry AT THE HOSPITAL. Most people (unless they just want to find something to pick apart) would realize that I wasn't somehow leaving DH out of things, or acting like OUR beautiful newborn baby was somehow more mine than his. Would you now like to tell me how selfish I am for not being in love with the breastfeeding process?

Quick Update

Just a quick update, while I work on the whole birth story thing...We have people over watching the Eag.les game!

1. Ceci.lia weighed 6lbs, 7oz at birth and is 19 inches long.
   
2. Her apgar score was 9 and 9!
   
3. I can’t believe how much I want to hold her.
   
4. I was given pitocin to start labor, and was able to go without an epidural until they broke my water – after that, the pain was just too much! Labor lasted about 11 hours, but unbelievably, I only pushed for 20 min.
   
5. I’m feeling fine, just rather sore – I tore inside and have some stiches. Thank goodness she was tiny!
   
6. DH is being fantastic and extremely helpful.
   
7. I know my poor daughter is going to hear people sing that Simon and Garfunk.el song every time she tells people her name :)
   

My Daughter

Cec.ilia Gr.ace arrived on October 23, 2008, 11:22pm!

Still in hospital - am being discharged later today and will post more updates!

40w5d - off to hospital

Don't have much time - went to Dr., was dilated 3cm, (!), nonstress test was fine but they checked the amniotic fluid, it was low so they want me to go to hospital immediately! They wanted me to go stright from the Dr. office but I convinced them to let me stop home first because I live close by. Will update again as soon as possible!

40w4d

Yep. Still here. Still feel nothing indicating that Butters has any intention of leaving, other than some lower abdominal pressure here and there. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow morning to see what, if anything, is going on.

I know, I know. First babies are often late. It’s normal to deliver two weeks before or after your due date. And yes, no one has to tell me that the baby will arrive “when he/she is ready.” I know all this – but I’m still getting impatient. I was extremely productive yesterday, but not so much today, so I’m a bit annoyed with myself, because I feel like I should be taking every spare moment now to do things since there will indeed be a baby here very soon. But I can’t help it – I’m being immature and irritable today and have to force myself to get anything done. I know I’ll be kicking myself later, wishing I had done more, if I don’t get my arse moving now.

On the toe front – I actually think it may be broken. It was getting better, and the bruising is going away, but it’s been a week now and it’s still swollen and does still hurt, especially if I wear anything besides flip flops (and it’s too chilly now to wear those) or sneakers. I wore ‘regular’ shoes for a short time yesterday when we went out to dinner and my toe was killing me afterwards. So I’m still walking a little funny, and feeling oh-so intelligent for managing to (possibly) break a toe walking in my house. Go me!

I’m planning on going to the gym later this afternoon with DH, though I don’t have any grand hopes of a workout getting anything moving. I haven’t even felt a contraction of any kind – isn’t that odd? It just seems weird, going on 5 days past my due date with no signs of anything.

Boy I’m being a whiner today, aren’t I?

40w2d

Oops - I didn't post anything yesterday. As the title of this post indicates, I'm still pregnant. Here are a few things that obviously don't induce labor... at least not with me:

1. Lifting weights (carefully!)
   
2. Cardio and/or walking
   
3. Going up and down the stairs a million times
   
4. Acupuncture
   
5. Listening to loud band music
   
6. Washing floors on hands and knees
   
7. Poking my belly
   
8. Asking my child nicely to please, come on out
   
9. Not having my hospital bag totally ready
   

I realize I'm not that late, and as my little ticker on the right indicates, "On average, first babies arrive 8 days after their due date." Ok, but I'm still getting ancy over here, mostly because I don't want to wind up having to be induced. I know that's still a little ways away (induction), but I was hoping to not have to go that route. Luckily I'm not very uncomfortable - if I was uncomfortable and late, I'd be one super hormonal bee-atch.

I did wake up at 5:30am with some slight back pain. Since I haven't felt anything that might indicate that Butters feels like exiting, and I haven't had any back pain whatsoever, I thought "Oohh...maybe this is something!" Of course, it went away and I haven't felt anything back-wise the rest of the day. Grrr. Right now I feel some lower abdominal pressure, but I know that doesn't really mean anything either.

I know there are other things I can try - nipple stimulation, castor oil (which I will not be trying), more walking... though walking for a long time isn't that comfortable because my toe still does hurt. I have a funny feeling that it doesn't really matter what I do... Butters has his/her own little timetable.

I just really don't want to be induced, and the my main reason is a bit silly.... I want to do something regarding pregnancy without medical intervention. I needed IVF to start this pregnancy... I would like my body to cooperate and finish without induction. I know that's silly, and as long as I have a healthy baby, who cares how he/she gets here? Besides, going to the hospital to have a baby isn't exactly giving birth without medical intervention (has anyone seen the ads for the new series that starts on the Discovery Health channel tomorrow called 'Free Birthing'?!? Ack!) But still....

I know, I'm impatient.

How about those Phillies?! :)

40 Weeks!

Just a quick post - today is my due date! However, I highly doubt anything will happen today... I don't feel any different. I even went to the gym and have been on my feet all day, working in our basement with DH. The only thing that has happnened is that my brusied toe/foot hurts more. Tonight we're going out to see a local band - they are playing at a large bar/restaurant that is essentially right across the street. Perhaps the music will stir things up ;)

I need to go back to cleaning and putting things away in the basement before I start getting ready to go out. I do have a major 'nesting' urge but I've had that for a while, and now I keep thinking that if Butters isn't showing up yet, I should really make use of the time! We've gotten a TON of stuff done in the house the past in the past few months - I should list everything at some point.

Anyway, I realize that it's totally normal to be late - I didn't expect to magically go into labor at midnight on October 18.... but I think it's weird that I haven't felt anything? I really hope they don't wind up having to induce me... but I'm getting ahead of myself...

Butters, we'd like to meet you! Come on out now!

Good News

No news on this end, but Susan gave birth to a beautiful baby boy!

All Quiet on the Belly Front (39w5d)

Well, it looks like I won’t be going into labor today, October 16. Whew! I was really worried that DH would have to miss his reunion get-together tonight because I’d be in the hospital or something. Thankfully, Butters decided to stay put, and now I'm much more relaxed!

I had a Dr. appointment today, which went fine. Still measuring fine, heart rate is fine, and his/her head is still down low. My weight had been holding steady at around 158-159 for the past 6 weeks or so, but today I was 161, which was fine – still a total weight gain of under 30 pounds (or 33 pounds, if I go by by pre-fertility drug weight in May 2007). I have another appointment scheduled for next Thursday, which hopefully I will have to cancel because Butters will already be here. If I do make it to that appointment, they’ll check my cervix and do a non-stress-test to make sure everything is ok. I still don’t feel any different, but the Dr. said that was totally normal, and my water could just break/contractions could start at any time without any warning. I have been continuing healthy-pregnancy acupuncture sessions, and I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. My acupuncturist said he’d start incorporating points that can help start labor.

My toe seems to be healing nicely. :)