Look! A Post!

First.....awesome news! Congratulations to Denise.. and Rebeccah... and Dr. Grumbles!

It's funny, but I just don't seem to be 'into' your standard pregnancy blogs and such. I am still more interested in reading infertility blogs, or 'p' updates from those who have had fertility issues. I don't seek out new IF blogs to read, but am much more interested in keeping up with the ones I have been following than seeking out pregnancy message boards and such. The only time I read your standard 'p' boards (I never post) is if I am looking up something and come across one in my search results. I'm not quite sure why, but I just don't connect with them. Again, I am very interested in reading the 'p' updates from IF blogs, so it's not that I don't want to read about other people's pregnancy experiences.

Maybe I would be the same way even if I wasn't infertile. Even in the early days, when I was merely charting my temps and keeping nice little graphs (I still have them), and plugging terms like 'symptoms 8dpo' into search engines (before I had to take progesterone which causes lovely early pregnancy symptoms, when you're not pregnant!) I could never get into all the 'baby dust' and such. I don't know, maybe if I had gotten knocked up the old-fashioned way, I'd be sprinkling baby dust all over the Internet, but I don't think so.

I really want to update this blog a lot more. (now that was a smooth transition, wasn't it?) No, really, I do. I compose posts in my head but for some reason have not been actually writing them down. I wonder sometimes if I am holding back because I am afraid I may get too involved in the whole blog thing. I say this because years ago, (here's where you actually get to know a little more about me!) I was VERY involved in writing commentary for web sites, including my own. It had nothing to do with infertility (I wasn't even dating DH yet) but instead revolved around... issues. Things that generated lots of 'You're awesome!' or 'I want you to DIE!' e-mails. I even got to be a commentator a few times on TV (you know, the kind where they have three or four people featured who get asked a few questions about certain issues). That was... wow, over 10 years ago! You'd never know by this bland blog, would you?! I haven't been involved in commentary writing for quite a while now - I just got burned out and became involved in other things. Anyway, if I do update more, it will probably still be the same, bland posts. I don't seek to make this place an area of heated debate ;-)

FYI: 'P' updates below.

Sooo... today I am 16w6d. (I'll just say 17 weeks!) No, I have not felt movement, and I don't expect to for quite a few weeks, since this is my first. I feel pretty good. Once in a while I will get a killer headache (had one last Saturday) and Ty.lenol dulls it only a tad. Years ago, I used to get headaches on a regular basis, and Ex.cedrin was my best friend. Ex.cedrin rules! However, I obviously can't take that (here Butters, want a nice dose of Asprin and caffeine?!) Not that I haven't had any caffeine. I have. I stopped all caffeine for most of the first trimester, and now limit myself to two cups of coffee a week...big cups of strong coffee. (Hey, if I only get two....) And I've had some chocolate (which I need like a third boob)
Showing? Depends. The belly has appeared, but can be disguised. (people at my office still do not know) It's not really a 'bump' - you know, those cute little ones in your lower abdomen? Nope - it just looks like I've gained weight all around my middle. I have not taken a 'belly shot' since week 12 so I think it's time again. (should I post them?)

[Again, there is a section I wrote then removed regarding weight. I have saved it and will use that in another post. Yes! There will be another post!]

Oh, I was asked if I craved any specific foods. Not really, though I have had an aversion to quesadillas pretty much since the beginning. This is very odd, because I loved quesadillas! We own a quesadilla maker! They now pretty much gross me out, which makes no sense because I still like cheese and chicken and bread. Why the combination is so unappealing to me now is pretty strange.

I wake up almost every single night to pee. Last night I got up twice. I didn't think that would happen this early, but oh well. Usually I can sleep through a massively full bladder! (TMI, I'm sure)

I have been able to keep my mind off of the 'what-if's', even though I am well aware that bad things can still happen at this stage of the game. I am trying to balance this awareness with telling myself that I have to just assume that things will be ok, and to not dwell on the tragic 'what-if's'. No amount of worrying will prepare me for something terrible. I'm not saying that I don't worry - I do, but I try not to.