Beta #3 and Other Updates

We have some good and bad news out there in blogland...

First, the bad news. Poor Swim received a BFN when she POAS, but her beta is not until tomorrow. Let's all hope she gets a big surprise on Thursday.

I had my third beta today. (drum roll....)
Today's beta - 674
Doubling time is now 35.8 hours.

To recap:
9dp5dt - 54
12dp5dt - 266
14dp5dt - 674

I still go for yet another beta on Friday. I know you technically can't tell if you're carrying one or two little ones based on HCG numbers, but I think I just have one little guy/gal in there. By the third beta, it seems that people with multiples are getting higher numbers. I'll find out at the u/s next week, and if there is just one, I will be a little sad that lefty or righty didn't make it, but one is fine with me - I'm extremely lucky to be the 'p' word at all.

I saw Dr. M. just as I was leaving the office this morning and he asked me if I felt pregnant. I said not really, except for my, umm... expanding chest. I wanted to say, "UGH! Save me from these big progesterone boobs!" He sort of laughed and said that a lot of people tell him that, and then asked if people were calling me Dolly! Ha ha ha, real funny. Actually it is kind of funny. :) Luckily, I have some minimizer bras which I am currently stuffing myself into. My chest expands and shrinks based not just on my progesterone level, but my weight, so I also have some bras from when I weighed more that are still too big for me. So at least I can go a little while without buying bras.

I can't believe I am posting about my bras. Anyway, I did get a chance to ask Dr. M. about exercise and he said for now, I should stick to just walking (no elliptical machines or things like that yet) and that I could do upper body resistance training. I haven't been to the gym in weeks! I used to go multiple times a week and do cardio as well as a full weight workout! I think when I start doing weights again I will keep it very light - better safe than sorry.

Dr. M. also said that he doesn't like reducing any medication until after he sees a heartbeat, just to be on the safe side. I will be 5w5d for next week's u/s, and based on what I have read, I may be able to see (though not hear) a heartbeat. If I see a heartbeat, I know I'm going to just start bawling.

The only other thing I have noticed is that I'm sleeping a lot. I wake up without a problem, and am wide awake during the day, but in the evening I wind up passing out and sleeping right through until morning! Usually, if I would fall asleep super early, I'll wind up waking up at 3am and not be able to get back to sleep. Not anymore - I'm officially sleeping log woman. It's so weird!

And lastly, I went for my first healthy pregnancy acupuncture appointment yesterday! My acupuncturist specializes in infertility - almost all of his patients are women undergoing fertility treatments. I decided to keep going because I do believe the acupuncture helped me, and I did notice changes in my body after starting acupuncture. Maybe one day I'll even talk more about that when I finally finish that acupuncture entry I've been promising to post for months! I go once a week for the first trimester, and then just a few times after that.

And yes, I stopped POAS ;-)

Meeting My Embryos

I finally get to meet my embryos at 12:15pm on Wednesday, Jan. 30. I don’t have to be there until noon, but was told to start drinking water around 10:30am, etc etc…. and that I wasn’t allowed to pee after 11am. Argh. I did have some practice back in December, because I had to do the same thing for the mock transfer. Has anyone else done that? I had to arrive with a full bladder, and they run through the procedure (except there are no embryos, obviously). Dr. M. said they do this so they have a good idea ahead of time what my uterus is like and how things should be positioned.

I will actually arrive at the office early, around 11:30am, to meet my acupuncturist. He meets IVF patients at the place of the transfer and gives a half hour session right before and right after transfer. Now that’s cool. I know studies show that the IVF success rate is higher when patients receive treatment on transfer day. I’m doing anything to make sure these little guys/gals stick!

I was hoping that when I found out my transfer time today, I would also receive another embryo update, but I guess I won’t hear anything else until that day. I wonder how they are progressing. My acupuncturist has done treatments at my Dr. M’s office before (it was Dr. M. who recommended him) and he was pretty sure that we would receive a picture of the embryo(s) transferred. Good! I am planning on transferring two – I can’t imagine that at my age, they would hold me to one, at least I hope not.

May I gush about Dr. M. for a moment? I have to say I really lucked out. Well, I guess it wasn’t all luck – I did go to him because he was highly recommended. He owns his own practice so it’s just him – he is the only doctor I see. He does the ultrasounds two days out of the week when the ultrasound assistant isn’t there, and he always does the IUIs. I have seen him every single time I have been to the office, and was able to have the egg retrieval right at the office. He recently moved to this new complex, about six months before I started seeing him. I found out he had it built specifically for his practice, which is why the mini operating room for the retrieval and the lab are right in that same building. I didn’t think much about some of these things until I’ve read some descriptions of some other REs and I realized how fortunate I am. Plus he’s close to my home and office. I am trying to look at all the positive things that have happened through this whole experience and appreciate them, rather than look at just the negatives.... like all my negative pregnancy tests. (ha ha ha)

Speaking of pregnancy tests... my 10 tests arrived this week from Early Pregnancy Tests. You can't beat the price - I got 10 tests for $10.49, which includes shipping. Yes, I admit, I plan on testing before my beta on Feb. 8. I don't plan on testing 10 times, and I will not test if I think I will freak if it's negative. I may wind up not testing because I may chicken out. I guess we'll see.

Keep growing, little ones!

Good (and weird) Vibrations

Had my first scan for this cycle yesterday (CD3). I was in a different room than usual, and the ultrasound machine was a little different. The most noticeable difference, besides the lack of a little monitor where I could gaze at my glorious ovaries, was the ever so slightly vibrating wand.

Yeah, I said it. It was vibrating a little. Now don't worry - this isn't going to suddenly get X-rated (unless you want it to! who votes for X-rated IF Blog?!) It was just weird - ok, let's just put it this way:

Vibrating wand during ultrasound = creepy.
Different type of vibrating wand not during ultrasound = not creepy.

I mean, was it malfunctioning or did some genius think a vibrating wand-cam during an ultrasound would be relaxing?

My RE poked his head in the door after the assistant was done with the porno-wand and said, “I’m embarrassed to show my face.” due to my very non-pregant condition. He then came in and said quickly, “We’ll get this. I won’t quit – don’t you quit!” I assure him that quitting had not crossed my mind. Everything was fine, and I started 150 gonal.f last night. Here’s the interesting part … I may not do an IUI this cycle.

My RE said that he was going to be at a meeting from Friday, October 12 through Tuesday, October 16 and would not be in the office at all and thus, could not do the IUI if my IUI date fell on one of those dates. (His assistants/nurses and such do not do those procedures) The 12th-16th is day CD12-16 for me. My IUI last time was around CD 18, but that cycle was longer because of the varying does of meds, trying to get some follies to back off, etc. I would still do the IUI if it was before or after those dates, though I’m positive my follies won’t be ready by next week. He assured me that he would monitor me right up through the 11th. I guess at that point he might have an idea as to when I would be ready to trigger – the only downside is that he wouldn’t be able to ‘fiddle’ with my doses. He explained that he would tell us exactly what day/time DH and I would need to ‘get together’ if there was no IUI.

Heh heh. That weekend we are going to be at a wedding – we are staying overnight Friday and Sat and possibly sharing a hotel room with DH’s sister and BIL. Luckily, they know what we’ve been doing – they are just about the only people we’ve told and they have to be two of the coolest people on earth. So I guess they’ll understand if we boot them out of the room for a bit. Watch - I’ll probably wind up needing to do the trigger shot right in the middle of the reception or something. This time I will be VERY CAREFUL.

Anyway, my RE (I need to call him something else besides ‘my RE’ Hmm…) said if I wanted to sit this cycle out he would understand, but felt that a lack of an IUI would not decrease my chances of getting pregnant, since DH’s count has always been fine. I will of course still do an IUI if it so happens that my follies are not ready until after he gets back.

I decided to go ahead with the injectibles even with the possibility of no IUI, since I’m certainly not getting any younger. I then thought how cool it would be if it worked this time around and I could actually say I got pregnant from actual sex – wow!!

See, I need to have a much better attitude this month – a true attitude change, not just a “I pretend to be chipper while I am miserable inside” type change.

I thought about this over the past few days. I was very negative the past few cycles, and I guess it’s hard not to be, considering the results so far. Also, having a lot of hope and then those hopes being erased really hits me hard. I despise that feeling – it crushes me, much more so than if I have a negative outlook ahead of time. It’s bad enough when I am not all full of hope and things don’t work out, because of course, I do have some hope tucked in the back of my mind. But I become a real mess when I am optimistic and then get knocked down. But I can’t be like that… over and over again I read how negativity, for some reason, can affect fertility. If I’m willing to have things stuck in me and up me all month, willing to spend $1000 on injectibles, I certainly should be willing to try an attitude change.

I also think it’s more than just getting upset about fertility issues – I can just be too emotional, even in a ‘good’ way. Example: watching football – I’m screaming and jumping up and down more so than most people – especially the females. And I probably look like an idiot – a 36 year old jumping up and high fiving people, screaming “Yeaaaaah babeeee!!” or “Get him, GET HIM – what the &!%^! was that?!” or slamming her hands on the table when her team messes up (like they did last week!!) Luckily DH is the same way and he likes that I get into things, but you know, if it stresses my body somehow…..so I really want to be just more “mellow” in general, which brings me to my next point.

Acupuncture. I went to my appointment, ready to ask RE if he could recommend someone. But first, I asked him if there is something else I should do. He has already assured me that my exercise level is fine (I do weights and cardio regularly) and my weight is fine (though I am not where I want to be - it’s always a constant struggle, but that’s a whole other entry). I do drink some coffee, (not a ton) and I do drink some alcohol (but never when there is a possibility of an implanted embryo). I know many women have stopped caffeine and any alcohol completely – maybe I need to do that. He said no, that should not be having any affect, and then, interestingly enough, before I had a chance to ask, he brought up acupuncture! He said he’s seen some very interesting results in patients and that he knew of someone if I was interested. Perfect! So I need to call and set up an appointment.

I am not expecting a miracle. Even if acupuncture helps, I know it is not and instantaneous result. But instead of thinking “Oh great, no IUI, this is horrible, it’s unfair” I’m thinking “Hey, maybe I’ll wind up pregnant without the use of a catheter! Ooohh.. and I save $ too!” And if it doesn’t work – well, there’s next month.

I still don't want to hear "Just relax" from fertile people!!! I don't care if I am trying to relax a little. If 'relaxing' was the only answer I would have been knocked up by March 2006.

See? The title "Good (and weird) Vibrations" wasn't just about the wand!

Anyone have any suggestions on how to truly "mellow out"? Without the use of wine or medication ;-)