Football and Follies

Yesterday, I actually stopped thinking about follicle size for a few hours as I watched football and concentrated on seeing my favorite team lose (arrgh!!) DH and I both love to watch football and once the season starts so does our Sunday ritual of going up to our favorite hangout nearby to watch a game, screaming a lot at the TV, and jumping around high-fiving everyone when something good happens. People we haven’t seen since the Superbowl are there too - it was like football reunion day yesterday. So there were some mood swings going on yesterday, but all related to football. :)

My ultrasound this morning gave me a little encouragement. The reduced dosage of gonal.f seemed to have the desired effect. I have a total of 16 follicles, but eight are small. Of the eight bigger ones, 4-5 are very similar in size (around 12-14) and the other three are enough smaller that my RE doesn’t think they will ‘catch up’ to the others. (to recap: RE doesn’t want more than 4-5 follicles releasing, fearing I’ll suddenly become Fertile Woman and wind up with triplets) Sooo… he said I was to keep gonal.f at 75 and to continue the ganireli.x., but to wait for confirmation after he reviewed my blood work. He then asked me if I would be fired from my job if he asked me to come in tomorrow. I said no … (luckily I can just go in a little early and skip lunch) So I go back at 8:45am on Tuesday. Later in the afternoon, one of the nurses called and told me that after reviewing my blood work, RE wanted me move the gonal.f shot back up to 150.

I am guessing that the IUI will be on Thursday or Friday, depending on the ultrasound results tomorrow. The feeling of a little hopefulness that I had early Saturday (before I started feeling like crappola about everything) came back today, especially after the encouraging ‘follicle farm’ update. I also greatly appreciate the comments I have received – they help too. Thank you. :)

Not much else to report... I am having one side effect from the injectibles (I assume it is related to the inectibles anyway...) which is very irritating. I have not decided if I should post about it - of course, technically I am posting about it since I just mentioned it. Oh I don't know - I'll decide later!

Not Much

Two shots this morning (I'm getting to be an expert) Felt hopeful about this cycle this morning, now feeling the exact opposite. What happened??

I might be irritating.

I know I'm a newbie.

As I obsessively read other IF blogs (which have really helped me maintain my sanity - and has anyone noticed that these blogs (this one not included!) are almost always witty and eloquently written?) I almost feel like I must come across as a real ignoramus, since I have so far been through nothing compared to most. I hope my ramblings here don't come across like a whiney brat who is complaining because hasn't gotten her way immediately. Do I sound like that? If I do, please let me know - while I won't particularly enjoy hearing that, I would rather be told than to continue to write posts that irritate anyone who may stumble across this.

I mean, I'm screaming about paying for medication - how many have read that and thought 'Oh boy, you're yelling about that? Haven't you heard about IVF?' I posted earlier that I've never seen a BFP - I'm sure some might think 'Yeah, would you rather have that and then miscarry? Then you'll have something to complain about!'

I know I have things to be thankful for - but I am still scared, worried, apprehensive... terrified...
I was beside myself the day I started this blog - started it shortly after I knew the last cycle was a bust. I felt, and still feel like there is something wrong with me - just wrong wrong wrong. If I start thinking about it I start to get teary eyed (very embarrassing when you're at the gym - I'm sure people wonder what the hell I could be crying about on a elliptical machine)

Well, as I was writing the above, the RE's office called.... change in procedure. I guess my bloodwork came back with some interesting results. Not sure what, the nurse did not say, but I am guessing at least creeping LH levels. instead of taking 115 gona.l f tonight and tomorrow and skipping Sunday, I am supposed to skip tonight, then take 100 tomorrow morning, then 75 on Sunday. I also need to take the ganarelli.x. I'll be interested to see what's going on with the marching follies on Monday.

The March of the Follies.

15 follies. 8 on the right, 7 on the left. About seven are on the smaller size. Of the bigger eight, six are all very close in size, and the other two are a bit bigger. This is similar to last month, when my RE had me trigger a little early so that all the follies did not release, just the dominant one or two and maybe one or two others. Well, obviously I’m not pregnant, so RE thought (as do I) that there was the possibility that I wound up only releasing one egg, maybe two. Soooo… in the quest to produce four eggs, I am supposed to reduce the 150 gona.l f to 115 or so (there is no exact measurement on the pen for that amount to it’s an estimate) for tonight and Saturday. I then skip Sunday night and go in Monday morning to see what’s up in my mini follicle farm. Hopefully, the lower dose will allow the big two to keep going, as well as just two of the other six.

And to think that I knew nothing about follicle sizes a few months ago.

I may also be taking ganireli.x, depending on how my blood work looks. I’ll know this afternoon. If the LH is starting to go up, RE wants me to take that as a precaution so I don’t start ovulating all by myself. It’s unlikely, but I better safe than sorry!

Come on, let’s hear it for four! Four, four, FOUR!!! Not more! (oh look, a rhyme)
I am afraid if there are more than that, RE may want to cancel… though since, as far as I know, none of my stubborn eggs have ever decided to implant, (never had any type of slight BFP in any way, shape or form) I can’t imagine that suddenly, four or five will latch on at once.

Anyway, luckily, I feel fine now. This past Mon-Wed, I felt lousy – my side and abdomen hurt like mad, I had a constant headache and would become nauseous for no reason. I assume it was the injectibles, though last month the only thing I noticed was a very achy side and abdomen… or should I say an abdomen that felt like it had a grapefruit sitting in it? Oddly enough, I never had one side effect from c.lomid, except for a terrible case of acne the first month I took it. I was very surprised because I read many blogs and message boards where people had such terrible side effects.

Oh well, back to work I guess…

Ps….FOUR!!!! (maybe five, just in case!)

Real Quick....

Well, the follies are plugging along. Oddly enough, I have been having pain on my left side but it's by right side that has more follicles. I think everything looks similar to last month so far - RE asked me if it was ok to be rather 'aggressive' this cycle.... ok, hmmmm..... let me think... uh, YES???!??! He then said he just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. More later, walking out the door at the moment....

It's the Weekend (what an unoriginal title)

Yay, the weekend! It's Saturday morning and I'm waiting for Fedex to deliver 'the goods.' I have some left from last cycle so I was able to start poking myself with needles last night.

My appointment yesterday did go fine - everything was normal. When my RE came in, he looked genuinely puzzled - was surprised to find me not pregnant. I said 'Well, I guess we don't have to worry about multiple births!' since he was extremely worried that too many eggs would release last cycle and I'd wind up with triplets. In fact, he had me use the trigger shot slightly early because there were about 5 follicles at around 14 (along with two others around 16 or 17 I think - can't remember exactly). He envisioned all of the 14's marching along to become mature and release. Ha, maybe if I had waited and released 7 eggs, one of the darn things would have met up w/ some of DH's boys and I wouldn't even be writing this right now.

Anyway, RE was also glad, and slightly surprised that everything had 'cleared out' in my ovaries - he thought that since I had responded 'so well' to the injectibles that there was a possibility of some 'residual' - I guess he means a cyst. (I'm still a newbie in many areas - please bear with me). Yeah, I responded wonderfully to the clomid too. My HSG was 'beautiful' according to the Dr. who performed that. Ok, so my ovaries love fertility drugs. My ovaries love to ovulate, especially my left one. DH has super boys who can get the 'whole block pregnant' (a quote from his Dr.) Soooo.... shouldn't I be pregnant?! Oh wait, am I just on the wrong block? Let me run over to the pregnancy block.....

Now, I realize that I am very lucky to not have the many problems other women experience - so I shouldn't whine. I know in that respect I am lucky. It's just since there is no explanation, I'm frustrated, and I have this feeling that there must be something else - something else wrong. I have read about immune problems and wonder if there is some issue with that. I kind of asked him if there could be something else going on, and he said that there is always that possibility but he just really didn't think so. Last month's cycle bust was still very well in the normal range of things 'just not working' - you know, even in a perfect cycle, there's only a 20% chance of conceiving, etc. My RE was very highly recommended - he's been in practice for over 20 years and developed one of the first successful IVF prgrams in my state. I do like him, he does listen, he takes time to talk to you and such, so I do trust his judgment, but.... I am still going to read up on the whole immune thing. It can't hurt.

Of course, I shouldn't worry since this cycle will work - right? RIGHT?! (trying to find positive attitude - I know it's here somewhere...)

Anyhoooo... ok, so it's the same level of gona.l f as last month (150). Still concerned about my fertility-drug-loving ovaries pumping out too many eggs (hey girls - how about just generating a good one? You know, quality over quantity?!) RE said he did not want to increase the dosage. My next check-up is Sept. 5.

Happy Labor Day to all.