8dp5dt - 1 Day Until Beta - Will AF Stay Away?

Today is a hard day, and not just because my beta is tomorrow. Today would be around 13dpo. Every freaking month, AF has started to show up on 13dpo. The only exception was the month of December, where AF held out one extra day, but that was an unmedicated cycle. In fact, I have only gone in for a beta twice the whole time I have been going through fertility treatments, and each time AF had already arrived but I went, just in case. I stopped bothering after the first two times, so basically, I never even make it to beta day. I don’t know if taking the extra progester.one will hold off AF, in the event I am not pg, so lack of any sign of AF today won’t mean anything. I’ll just be apprehensive every damn time I go to the bathroom today, which drives me nuts. I’ll be checking constantly. Damn it.

I still have not POAS.

I have been sleeping like a log, and having vivid dreams the past week. The dream I had last night usually would have put me into a miserable mood today. I dreamed that AF arrived, and I was devastated. I was crying so hard in my dream, I am surprised my face was dry when I woke up. In my dream, someone asked me if I was going crazy (actually it was one of the people who works at my local post office – a really nice guy – so don’t ask me how he wound up in my dream, asking about my mental state). I yelled, crying hysterically, “I just found out I can’t have children, ok?!?” I then went to see my acupuncturist who had me in a room where his family was eating dinner (? gotta love dreams). Anyway, the dream did not bother me, though I admit I was expecting to see red when I went to the bathroom this morning. Usually I would have thought the dream ‘meant something’ but it doesn’t mean squat. I know this because this past October, I had the most realistic dream imaginable. I dreamed I POAS, and saw two lines! I was so happy! I felt the emotion in my dream, and I went to wake up DH, but it was my mom in my room instead and she said DH had to go to work early (I don’t know what my mom was doing in my bedroom, but hey, it’s a dream!) so I told her and I was just so happy. I woke up happy! I told myself it was just a dream… it was 10dpo… enjoy the happy feeling of the dream. I swore I wouldn’t go POAS. Swore.

Guess what I did? That’s right, I POAS and we all know what the result was. I was a mess until AF arrived. Therefore, I know dreams don’t indicate anything because if they did, I would have been pregnant in October. So there. :-P Oh, and I just looked back at older blog entries.. I forgot I had another '2 line dream' at 8dpiui this past September! So maybe the dream last night means I am pregnant. Hahahahahaha.

I don’t know how I am going to concentrate today. I decided that stuffing my face with the bagels someone brought in this morning would be a good way to keep my mind off things. I am already on bagel number 2!

Lefty, Righty, please be getting your balloons ready…..